Dot Counterpoint Dot

Haters gonna hate... alas this is hypnotic

2010-10-03T22:15:00.001-07:00

Focal point

2010-09-09T07:07:00.001-07:00

2010-09-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

I've changed.

I don't seem to have the same spark that gave me the power that I used to posses back in first session of uni. Perhaps everything seemed very new to me back then and I had no idea of what was ahead of me. I took risks and took on adventures, like a little child exploring a new backyard. Heck, I fell in love, got fined, hurt myself, got sick and got drunk. I was very wild and happy back then.

And it was great! I met a lot of people and have made heaps of friends.
But when the session ended, everyone left college and I had to stay.
A whole month and a half on my own.

It was boring, and very lonesome.

And I've realized how this changed me.
I've become opaque, off-center, out of focus, gray and quieter. I don't talk to people the same way I used to do. And it seems that I stopped being friends with some people, and I really regret how that has turned out to be. It's just not fair how I've ended up treating people. They deserve more of me as a friend!
I'm not really happy with how my life is right this instant.

But it doesn't mean I'm going to stay like this forever.
Back then I could feel the potential of all my decisions. I could feel the future bending on my fingertips from the very mere change of mind. I could feel the electricity in the air from just being alive and having the ability at hand of being able to shape my future however I wanted.

And the ability is still there, all intact and perfectly functional.
But my senses are damped, I cannot feel it anymore. I cannot feel that sharpness in the air that gave me goosebumps and chills, and opened my eyes to all the endless possibilities ahead of me.
And it saddens me.

I might be a bit depressed, but it ain't anything too serious. I hope.
Just gotta keep carrying on, keep going 'til the show's over. This is just a little trough in my life-plane.
Winter's over, and spring is here, with summer on it's way.

Hey, you know what, fuck that shit, all of it. I ain't going to be restrained by the chains of my own moods. I ain't going to sit here just to contemplate and ponder on what could have been and didn't become true or real. I ain't going to let my own downwards inertia shut me into the darkness of my internal world, I've been there many times and it isn't pretty. It's time for me to come back!

I guess I've gotta apologize...

2010-09-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

for breaking the sequence of my blog posting.

for being a douche bag to y'all.

You don't deserve to see the same fricken' page for months on end.
It's a nightmare, and it's boring, and I know. :( I'm kinda sad that some people, some of which who were periodic visitors, have stopped visiting. Fair enough. I would do the same thing to any other blog.

I've gotta start again.

No real problem, I guess.
It's just me again.

Hello! I'm back.

I ain't gone..

2010-09-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

Sorry for disappearing.
Uni's got me busy and the best of me.
I shall be back at least every week.

Much love.

Digital Radio in Sydney

2010-07-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

Well folks, these holidays aren't going any faster.
The days outside are cold and wet, meanwhile college is overrun by American tourists who have the interesting pattern of disappearing during the whole day and coming back to college at 2 AM after a time out in the city. And boy, they sure are loud.

Anyway,
My computer has a TV tuner, and so I am able to watch digital TV, which is slowly but progressively catching speed and becoming better and better. Many national broadcasters are now offering HD quality channels. And they bring out new channels quite often too, it's great to see how I'll be killing time these holidays.

But I do not fully endorse TV viewing, I actually enjoy radio a bit better than TV. And as per usual I tune in to SBS everyday to listen to the Spanish broadcast. It's great to listen to something in my native language often, for I really don't want to lose practice and appear as a total foreigner when I come back to visit.

But radio in Australia is changing as well. Not long ago, digital radio has been introduced to the market, and very quickly a lot of radio stations\ appeared or transferred to digital to offer quality broadcasts.

And one of them that has really captured my attention is SBS Chill, a digital exclusive broadcast featuring nothing else but great chill-out and world music. And one time I even heard a bit of Latin Drum 'n Bass. How awesome is that? It really makes my day. I haven't enjoyed listening to a radio station in such a manner since Radio Bondi FM was good. Sadly, I don't have a digital radio (as of yet), but I can still tune in through the website. And what is good is that the broadcast does not rip a large chunk off of my bandwidth and yet still have a sound quality a bit superior to a 128 kbits MP3.

I really enjoy it. Check the SBS Chill site to have a taste of it. Good times.

Keep on chillin'

Bokeh studies

2010-07-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last blogged. I'm on holidays now, so I've been busy on a few things. I really want to take more pictures though.. here are a few that I took on a night in the city.

Exams...

2010-06-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

The end-of-semester examinations are here...
I'm getting to the point that I will freak out.
But I'm sure that at least I'll pass everything.

So I won't be on during this week.

It's sooo bad and unfortunate that we've started tests right when the World Cup begins. It's been quite good so far however, I'm really looking forward to see how North Korea competes against the big guns Brazil and Portugal. And I hope Mexico can at least pass onto the next phase.

See you soon in a bit.

New Blog - Nuevo Blog

2010-06-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

It's been a rather long time since I blogged in Spanish. And given that I've realized how active Spanish-speakers are on the internet, not only worldwide but in Australia as well, I've decided to create a blog where I write in Spanish. It will be similar to Dot Counterpoint Dot, but not as artistic, I suppose. It will be mostly focused for Spanish-speakers in Australia and those who live abroad and would like to know more about this country.

Once it's up, I'll see how I adapt myself to own two blogs at a time.

----------------------------------------------

No me acuerdo muy bien de la última vez que escribí en español de manera prolongada desde que terminé el bachillerato. Por eso decidí crear un blog escrito enteramente en español, donde comparto similares historias que escribo en Dot Counterpoint Dot, pero son, más bien, específicamente escritas para hispanohablantes y para aquellos que viven aquí en Australia. Veo que hay bastante actividad de parte de personas que bloguean en español en el internet, así que decidí unirme a ellos con la creación de mi nuevo blog.

Todavía no está listo, pero ahí les va el link:

Mi Vida en Sidney

Progressing onto the Golden Gate Bridge

2010-06-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

View Larger Map

Another Facebook group has been formed in response to the anonymous guy's postcard from San Francisco.
This time, people are gathering at the Golden Gate Bridge to paste print outs from all of the comments posted in the other group, as well as other messages.
This just keeps on showing how many awesome and beautiful people out there are willing to help someone. I'm impressed by how massive this has become, and I express my respect and admiration to everyone who has so far been involved.

Esta noche...

2010-06-06T07:27:00.000-07:00

... rezaré.

Please don't jump

2010-06-06T06:25:00.000-07:00

Every Sunday I check PostSecret, a blog where postcards with secrets of anonymous senders are posted. It's a blog about the beauty and sadness of our humanity; and it always makes me sad when I visit it, it makes me laugh every time, it makes me feel empowered, it makes me filled with awe, it makes me recoil in horror, it makes me feel guilty, it makes me feel human.

Today, an anonymous sender from San Francisco had his/her postcard featured.

The postcard has since sparked a lot of reaction from the internet. Emails poured into the PostSecret website in response to the postcard. Twitter reported the creation of a Facebook group in response to this. Since its creation, more than a 1000 people have sent messages pleading the sender to not jump, to give a chance to life and to a better future.

Ending one's own life is the worst mistake one can do, ever. It will not solve any of your problems at all. It will not make the world a better place. Choose life, and you will see the beautiful and great things that you would have otherwise missed out on. I've been there. And I know how hard it is. I've pulled myself from the pits of darkness, and good things have happened to me! But, please man, or gal; please do not jump. For there are many good things in life to come. There is hope. You are not alone. And you do belong. It may not seem so, but there's always a place where you belong to. And if life seems sad and dark to you, at least realize that all it takes is making a few good decisions, sticking around with your friends, letting them know of your problems, and getting help to solve those problems. And you will feel like a million bucks. I do not know you, but please, at least know that there are people out there who care and are willing to help you. I care. Please, for your future's and life's sake, do not jump. BE STRONG. CHOOSE LIFE. DO NOT JUMP.

Please share this link. Join in, and send a message.
Let's just hope that this guy is still around with us, and is aware of what people from all over the world are writing to him, showing him that people care, that he is not alone and that there is hope to solve his issues. It's incredible how the internet just connects such beautiful people to do such wonderful things.

God bless.

Vivid Sydney 2010; curated by Laurie Anderson and Lou Reed

2010-06-05T03:03:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm, I knew I should have had a bit more control over my ISO that night. But hey, it was raining, foggy and windy. But regardless of that, the projections are animated! HOW AWESOME! Thanks Laurie and Lou for the show.

Double Rainbow

2010-06-05T01:56:00.000-07:00

¿Sabías que...

2010-06-05T01:12:00.000-07:00

... todos nosotros estamos hechos de polvo estelar?

On humanity... and Earth

2010-06-05T01:05:00.000-07:00

"So tall... and we built those things?!"

And so we did.

6.8 billion of us over 148,940,000 km^2.

And it's only been, what... 200,000 years?

And we are already sending people out in orbit around and out of our Pale Blue Dot.

And we are already driving our planet to destruction.

Who would have thought that we would even evolve in such a way in the cold vacuum of space?

Heck, who would have thought that we would even exist? For all that matters, Earth's own existence, our own existence and evolution, is a miracle.

Oh cuánto extraño a mi hermano!

2010-06-05T00:55:00.000-07:00

Hoy estuve chateando con mi hermano en Facebook.
Está aprendiendo español, y tenía una gran duda sobre cierta conjugación de los verbos, en específico sobre las palabras ponerse, llegar a ser, convertirse, quedarse, volverse, etcétera.

No soy el experto en gramática del idioma español, (él está aprendiendo el castellano) pero aún así intenté explicarle algunas cosas. En fin, una fracción de la discusión fue así:

P: han intententado ensenarmelo

pero

JODER!

es tan dificil

Dejame dar un ejemplo

N: Adelante

P:espera

llegar a ser es como

MIERDA!

no

eso no es

N: Jajaj

Y vaya que me reí, ese chavo ya aprendió un chingo. Y solo han sido 7 meses desde que llegó a la Península Ibérica. Voy a rezar por él hoy.

Another discovery

2010-06-03T00:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, I've been going discovery after discovery these past weeks. All because of the Vivid Sydney Festival.

This time, it's something quite different as well. It's a band of throat singers called Chirgilchin. These guys come from the very heart of Central Asia, at the very southernmost tip of Russia near Mongolia. The guys themselves don't look Russian at all, but a bit Mongol I suppose. Their music is very entrancing because it is just something that I've never heard before in my life. They use their throats to take advantage of resonant effects of the passing air when they exhale. In other more descriptive words, they practically whistle with their throats.

Now, it's not really your normal kind of whistling. But rather of a very bizarre kind. Instead of air resonating from within the mouth, like normal whistling, throat singing uses the entire air tract from the mouth, larynx and voice box to resonate air. Just listen to it:

I just find it really interesting how charmingly happy those guys are with their music, even if it sounds so weird.

I really thank Vivid Sydney for introducing me to this kind of stuff. Every month I realize how much music I really want to buy, and I sadly look at myself in my present economic situation. Go P2P for the WIN.

It's always the same story, all the time

2010-06-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

Well,
I believe I have put myself once again in doubt of myself.
What a neurotic, existentialist hedonist I am.

I guess I don't know where I'm heading to, what's my next step.

Of course, there was always a direction to go to. There was always an arrow pointing to the barren lands of Down Under, but once I got here and finally picked myself up from the shock of coming to these quirky lands, I am not sure where to go anymore.

The arrow should be pointing somewhere,
but I don't know where.
Heck, I can't even see if there is an arrow anymore.

Sometimes I get the feeling that my life will end soon.
It is not an expression of suicide, fear not. Please. Enough of that stuff anyway.
But I just can't imagine myself graduating from university. Or even getting my career on track, or even owning my own car and house. Getting married, having kids. Paying mortgage, paying debt (my worst nightmare). I just can't imagine myself doing it!
And I have this feeling that somewhere along the line, I will never get to do those things. It is foolish of me.

It sounds just weird, but I just wouldn't know how the hell to do things. I finally can drive legally (fuck yeah), and started uni, but there is just quite a range of things that are assumed as common for Australians of my age that I cannot even do, that I may have no idea about.

It's always been like that, even when I arrived here, I had no idea of how to deal with things, partly people, but mostly about how different things are run here. And I always feel disadvantaged in that respect.

And I know it's bitchy to comment on this sort of stuff online, and even specifically on my blog. But what the hell. That's the first thing I found when I came into my room. Gotta get my head a bit organized. Then I suppose I can sleep a bit better at night.

New discovery

2010-05-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

Hello people.
I am in much better health than before, but I'm still not fully 100% back.

Just today I discovered a Japanese band: Boris. What a band name. And yes, by Japanese I don't only mean that they are awesome, absolutely insane to the extent that our western music standards of craziness are nothing in comparison to what those japs do every single day and consider the norm. Yep, you guessed it, they are from Japan. Damn! What a surprise...

Ok, no. They are something quite extra special, since they were invited to be featured artists in the Vivid Sydney Festival run this year. I discovered them in a brochure of the festival during breakfast. It featured all three members of the band holding double-necked guitars. And I thought: "Wow, that looks soo cool. I wonder what their music is like." I checked their MySpace site, and listened to their tracks.

I got blown away by firstly listening to this one:

And then, the floodgates open and I am completely entranced by the incredible sound they produce, even if they only have three members, even if there was actually only one double-necked guitar (the poster was deceiving!!):

I'm now addicted to their music. In less than 13 hours. It has been incredible!! I'm already considering buying music from my free-shipment music shop site of preference. Wow, damn, wwwwooooww!!! Really hot stuff right there.

And yeah, now I'm trying to get a job. The barista option is too unstable, too unfrequent, perhaps the nightfill shifts may come in handy once again. God it's that time coming back again.

I'll see ya peeps later, keep rocking.

10 days of rain

2010-05-23T05:54:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I last posted.

Winter is approaching fast, and the air is crisp and tight around us.
And it has been raining down really hard. It's a bit too wet for a Southern-Hemisphere autumn in Sydney.

Sometimes it seems that the sound of water is a glimpse of the voice of nature.
Droplets pounding gently on the car, while you wait inside for someone.
The splashing from our feet onto puddles.
The fine touches of rain onto our face.

But sometimes we forget about what it all means.
Of course, our immediate minds focus on heading to shelter.
But that is nothing in comparison to the magnitude of the world.

Some say that water has memory..
and that it holds special powers.
Don't you see how sometimes, all that we need is a shower or bath to get us relaxed?
And sometimes, where urbanization has sprawled over ancient water routes, floods go through those same spots again without failing.

It's been raining too much.
Now I'm sick.

For some reason I feel like listening to Moby.

And those three words

2010-05-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

This is possibly one of the most interesting music videos I've seen in the past months. The music, an interesting mix of house and pop, with a very slight hint of trance, is pretty cool. I normally look at "commercial" music as tasteless, but I guess I just take things in music with a very biased perspective, but every now and again, there is some good stuff out there. Of course, and taking into consideration the present nature of the artistic world at the moment, some of the music that is currently popular is just outrageous and ridiculous.

I guess what got me in this video is the visuals. The splitting images, the blending of the camera shots, and how everything seems to sit so naturally in place even if the cameras move in opposite direction, makes this video quite pleasing and engaging to the mind. It's like a diptych, but just with video. The creative part of myself is trying to piece the things together, trying to form some sort of meaning out of the plain but odd room featured there, with the people twirling around and with the very plastic appearance of the singers. But it may just not have any sense at all. Meh, it happens. It's art.

No fue tal y cómo lo pensaba

2010-05-10T06:31:00.000-07:00

Cambio de planes!
Aquellos interesantes cambios y momentos que pensé que iba a tener quizás no van a suceder dentro de algo de tiempo. Y quizás con otra compañía, alguien diferente.

Al menos ya parte de mis broncas se han resuelto,

y estoy ocupándome de más y más cosas: exámenes, tareas, etcétera. Muchas cosas como siempre. Sabía que la universidad iba a ser algo laborioso, pero creo que mis estimaciones al principio eran más inferiores a lo que en realidad estoy haciendo en la actualidad.

Lo bueno es que mis opciones se han abierto otra vez. Y de nueva cuenta vuelvo a aquella fase existencial del "pues, me gustaría salir con alguien". Te podría contar en cientos de palabras lo que mi mente está interpretando de mi presente estado, pero no tengo el tiempo (y quizás tú no tendrás el tiempo tampoco de leer).

Pero, ahora me pregunto, ¿a quién le estoy escribiendo?
No importa, el blog deberá seguir adelante, de pie, y creciendo con más nuevo contenido.
Cuídense todos.

Cuando el silencio impera y solo las miradas hablan

2010-05-02T01:11:00.000-07:00

Su propia belleza

define un color único y propio.

Sus curvas demuestran la verdadera promesa.

No sé a quién le debo rezar

cuando la luz cambia de curso alrededor de aquellos contornos.

Translated excerpt from "Quiet Now", by Daedelus

Ballads of the distances and times pt.1

2010-05-02T00:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes,
there is just fog all around you

and you can't see what is ahead,

sometimes you can't even see your own hands,

Ver mapa más grande

but you just can't stop going forward.

There could be a sharp bend right ahead.
Or a blockade. Or a dead end.

And you can't stop thinking about it.

Your                      mind
    overflows
             with
                 the
                    fear
               about
            the
absolute               unknown     .

But regardless of that,

you should stay on the road.

And keep charging forward through the mist.

Grip the
tar
mac

and feel
the         wind
brushing by you.

Let it
tell you where
everyone's destinies
collide and fuse;

where life begins and ends,
and where you lie
in the event horizon

of
your own       miraculous,    brief
                                            and
                                            impermanent
                                            existence.

Me acuerdo...

2010-04-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

muy bien de aquellos días que me parecían tan mundanos. Nunca pensé que llegaría a tales extremos del planeta, y que viviese todo lo que vivido aquí. Y yo que todos los días, de lunes a viernes, me fui por esta misma calle para crear el futuro que estoy viviendo tan intensamente en el presente. Ni idea tenía en aquel entonces.

Ver mapa más grande

A veces pienso que el pasado que tuve fue malo, y que por mis malos hábitos pasé una adolescencia muy limitada y lenta. Lo que nunca me imaginé es que por mis esfuerzos yo pudiera llegar a estas tierras lejanas, vivir como nunca y ser exitoso. Uno a veces no tiene idea del efecto que tienen nuestras decisiones hasta el momento en que llegan a toda potencia. Pues así es la vida.

The perils of a university student: update

2010-04-28T15:51:00.000-07:00

Things have turned out ok now.
I am still worried about how it is all going to work in the end.
I've been allowed to stay back in college during the mid year break, so I have the convenience of being near the places where I am currently seeking employment during the break.

But I'll be having to pay the college fees back with whatever money I produce from those jobs. I might end up having to work two jobs, plus all the university workload.

Now, I think I'll just have to get someone to help me get my breath back. My mind just shriveled up with the ideas of being stuck alone, with no money. I'm glad things have worked out for the better.

Oh dear

2010-04-28T05:52:00.001-07:00

My biggest fear has finally arrived.
And I'm quite unprepared for it.

Totally broke, with no home to return to. Parents hating me, and no source of income.
This end of session is going to be quite interesting.

Yo poseeré tu corazón

2010-04-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

Lo sé

2010-04-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

Sé que se ha adentrado, más de lo que yo me imaginaba, en lo que yo pienso, siento y vivo.
Este sitio sí que ha obtenido un propósito muy diferente al original.

Solo espero que me acepte tal cual y como soy.

Tal cual como yo la aceptaré tal cual y como es.

Estoy a punto de entrar a lo desconocido. Y va a ser muy interesante.

No me importa si al fin y al cabo todo termina siendo un fracaso, como ha sucedido anteriormente. Esta vez he aprendido mucho, y aunque dolerá bastante, no dejaré que la furia y la tristeza me hagan inútil.

Lo que uno hace por el amor. Qué tan interesantes se vuelven nuestras vidas en torno a eso.

Esperen importantes cambios al sitio!

La verdad, no me lo esperaba

2010-04-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

The sharpness of the air

is no clear announcement of the excitement

up ahead.

We come together,
and dance,
and laugh,
and sing.

And the world seems better everyday.

Spread your wings
in front of me.
Open up.

I knew you were an angel already,

everytime

as I watched

you

walk away

everyday
and disappeared from my sight,
but remained standing next to me
in my heart.

And the world seems better,
oh it just gets so much better
every time I see you.

Oh well

2010-04-25T10:40:00.000-07:00

I guess the only thing that I don't like about winter here in Sydney is that the air just gets so dry. (I know it's not winter yet, but it's coming!!)

My hands get really dry, my skin becomes flaky and very fragile.
I will get really small cuts within my skin, and it will hurt.

I guess my skin is just accustomed to being enveloped by constant humidity.

Me pregunto...

2010-04-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Sé que cada una de nuestras acciones tiene un efecto, ya sea minúsculo o de gran magnitud, en el futuro.

Siento que algunas cosas que voy a hacer pronto van a cambiar el futuro.

Y de gran manera.

El problema es que mi mente se llenará de las casi infinitas posibilidades de cómo el futuro inmediato sucederá. Siento que mi cabeza va a explotar por sobrellenarse.

Sé que si todo resulta como todos deseamos, seremos felices. Y pasaremos todos un buen rato. Y en el futuro nos sentaremos a hablar sobre nuestro pasado y diremos: "Pues, estoy muy satisfecho y muy feliz por cómo resultó todo aquello, aquel momento, aquel instante en que me dijiste eso, o hiciste eso, en que todo el mundo cambió. Te lo agradezco sobremanera."

Sé que si no todo resulta como queríamos, aquello se establecerá permanentemente en nuestra memoria. Será como uno de aquellos recuerdos de tipo: "Oye, ¿te acuerdas cuando te dije eso? Me hubiera gustado si no hubiera hecho, o dicho, eso en ese momento, de tal manera. Lo siento.".

A veces puedo apreciar cómo las circunstancias del pasado llegan a colisionar en un mismo instante en el presente, y cómo pueden llegar a distorsionar el futuro completamente.

Lo que tenga que suceder, sucederá. No hay que temer.

You might not expect this, but

2010-04-24T22:47:00.000-07:00

I really like winter.

The sharpness of the air to the skin, eyes and nose is quite revitalizing to me.
Coming from a tropical country, and from a place that was quite humid almost all of the time, I really like winter! It's just so great!

And you know what, Sydney would be such a romantic city if it snowed here. Of course, just about everyone here has no idea how to drive on snow or ice, so it would be rather dangerous and messy. It would be quite chaotic. Even in such chaos, life would still look beautiful from the outside.

I mean, just imagine, walking through George St on the way to CQ, and wearing a thick coat and a scarf, maybe a beanie or earmuffs, and mittens!, and seeing the snow on the side of the street, and snowflakes gently and ever so slowly falling from above, and steam coming out from our mouths as we speak, and couples coming out of cafes, holding hands and walking next to each other, and seeing the Opera House surrounded by snow, it would be so beautiful!!

Yet again, a lot of people don't like the idea of having Sydney covered in snow. It would be BAD news, considering how climate change is affecting the entire planet.

But it won't make me stop loving that particular season!

Perhaps the most evil techno music ever

2010-04-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of people that would never talk to me again for posting this. I honestly do not like this particular kind of music (I love techno, but not of this kind of techno). Having to wake at 4.30 in the morning to this music induced psychological trauma to many of us in college, so the song has been burned into our brains. I think that it is a very tasteless piece of work. But my comments make no difference; these guys, The Bloody Beetroots, are insanely famous all over the world. And I do have to admit, this is a very good song to dance/rave to. But it is still a very evil song. Very evil.

In the many concerts they have played, they always see the same thing every time: massive crowds of people jumping in unison, like one single body. Now that is just insane but awesomely cool. The many youtube videos out there of their concerts are proof of it.

There is one thing...

2010-04-24T07:05:00.001-07:00

... that I haven't been able to do recently.

And that is, to take good pictures!

It's not that I'm a perfectionist, just that I want to take better pictures. : /
I'm still kind of experimental, but I want to get my photo-vibe back!

The real part, or the imaginary one?

2010-04-24T06:32:00.000-07:00

I've got this friend of mine;

She's one of the most intelligent and curious persons that I've ever met. Living away from the CRAZY environment of college which I currently live in, she's pretty much the most dedicated person that I've come across these past months. I learn from her, almost everyday, of how I should be doing things, and of herself.

I guess I'm just blind, maybe I'm just too distracted. Maybe I'm just not doing things right. She seems to be way ahead of me. And I feel guilty.

People tend to call me wise (as a side comment to the fact that I'm ancient), and really smart. But I tend to digress. I am just too negative, and I think way too much, too far, for too long. And I feel guilty.

So then I ask to myself, just as my friend had pondered and expressed (and from which I further analyzed and thought about),
if we are in university, why not work as hard as we possibly can? We were chosen to be part of this great institution for the fact that we are either very hard-working or gifted, or both. It is a bit unnecessary to surrender at the thought that we are bad students, pick up our bags and leave, when we can always do better than we do now. But why revolve around the thought that we are bad students, given that we've gone so far from high school up to here? Of course, it will make us realize that we have made some mistakes along the way and need to catch up. But it is silly to think that, even if we are doing very well, or just well enough, we are still doing badly. Who really knows? The middle range between a bad and a good student is separated by many shades of gray, which are not completely defined however still distinct from the extremes of the domain. Let us stop for a minute, get ourselves rid of the wrong ideas, organize ourselves very precisely and work hard. Seriously, work hard. Because from the work that we do, we are able to move further ahead from the herd, and nibble from the fruits of success. If we trip along the way, we must pick ourselves from the floor, dust ourselves off and pick up speed again. Life and success are up for grabs, why not be the one who grabs them first? We can still work and study our asses off, have the greatest time of our lives, do many things, be employed, fall madly in love, meet new people, pick up a hobby, learn some new skills, and still have our slice of cake.

Nobody said that success came from slacking off.
In any case, what is there to lose? It will be just so much to think in the future that our past efforts really summed up and helped us reach to where we are and enjoy our time here on Earth, than to struggle continuously to the end of the rat race.

The problem is that I have quite a lot of inertia. I am quite lazy >:( and it angers me sometimes.

I thank that friend of mine. I sometimes feel humbled in her presence, for she is my inspiration.
And as I may have mentioned before (or have I not?), I tend to ponder about her quite often. Go ahead, think whatever you want regarding that last comment. I DARE YOU.

'Nuff said! IMMA CLEAN THIS MESS NOW

Los fantasmas me persiguen

2010-04-24T06:18:00.000-07:00

There are ghosts of my past life still appearing in my present life.

My mind sometimes evokes them from what I see everyday. The people I talk to, the people I see, the things I hear, say and do. Those ghosts live shortly in my consciousness and eventually evaporate.

But on occasions, I actually come across them, in real life, on the way to a lecture, passing by me. I don't know if they notice me, in fact I don't really care if they do. I see them, and the devils inside me laugh. I'd be damned, sometimes life sucks when I remember stuff related to them. However, sometimes life is great when seeing them reminds me of good times. It really varies depending on who I see.

And then I realize just how meaningless it is to feel put down by the mere presence of some of those ghosts. Regardless of the past conflicts I may have shared with them, those people cannot beat me. It doesn't matter if they aren't actually there, within my field of vision, even if it's just a mirage or deja vu. My mind lives so far away from them already, that they can't do anything. But then, my mind sometimes shows out the burden of past experiences related to them, and I understand. Whatever happened, happened. But the scars will remain there.

I guess those ghosts will continue appearing as I go through the years, reminding me of the good and bad things of life. Telling me of my mistakes and successes. Showing me that the world is actually much more complicated than I ever imagined.

God bless those ghosts, for they have constructed the person that I am today.

Peri to the neum

2010-04-24T05:07:00.001-07:00

I shall not succumb to the devils raging inside me

2010-04-24T05:03:00.000-07:00

As the night falls

and darkness is penciled into my eyes

the devils come out

and dance upon my flesh.

They rip my heart into pieces

and shred my box of emotions into fine dust.

Although there is a storm inside my head,

my body remains still, silent.

Only my hands are those in motion, grasping everything in their path:

hair

skin

nails

blankets

clothes.

As if they were trying to catch those devils.

As if my fingers were trying to find a meaning to all of this.

But eventually, the storms recede, and light enters my eyes once again.

And the world is at peace again.

I shall not succumb to the devils raging inside me.

Hey Guys

2010-04-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

Sorry for being absent for a while, not uploading new pictures nor writing anything interesting lately.
I've been having the craziest week in quiet a while.
Details later.

Exams are on, so I won't be back 'til around the end of the weekend. Maybe.

Have your daily apple, drink your juice; have a good, fulfilling breakfast and stretch.
Best of all, smile and let the Sun kiss you.

Bye for now.

Humph

2010-04-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

That was the most expensive week I've had ever since I moved over here.
$141 gone! BOOM! POOF!
Those parking rangers are a bunch of nazis, fining me at 9:11 AM, I wasn't even awake then! (oh wait, I actually was!)

Oh, dear. Now I hope CentreLink can give me a hand.

Physics exam

2010-04-16T19:37:00.000-07:00

I have to kill it, before it kills me first.

>:D

Y tú, ¿qué piensas?

2010-04-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

A veces me lo preguntas en los momentos más inesperados, de la nada.
Pero sé que tus intenciones son buenas, y sólo quieres saber más del torbellino de ideas que tengo en la cabeza.

Y te lo agradezco. Yo también me pregunto de vez en cuando qué es lo que tienes ahí adentro.

Yo guardo mis sentimientos temporalmente en una cajita de madera, justo a lado de mi corazón. La mayoría de las veces dejo que las emociones salgan de la caja al mundo exterior, y las comparto. Es bello verlos revolotear en el aire y a veces quedarse dentro de las cajas de otras personas.

Pero cuando me preguntas qué es lo que pienso, solamente puedo pensar en la caja y su contenido. Y luego me tengo que inventar una mentira ahí en ese mismo instante. Detesto mentirte.

De vez en cuando, cuando abro la caja, se siente bien porque sé que aquellos que escuchan son gente amistosa y amable.

Y tú, ¿qué piensas? ¿Qué es lo que tus ojos ven? ¿Qué es lo que tus oídos perciben? ¿Qué es lo que tu lengua saborea? ¿Qué es lo que tu piel siente? ¿Qué dice tu corazón?

Eres

2010-04-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

Mr. and Mrs. Compost

2010-04-12T04:17:00.000-07:00

Bibio is one of my favorite acoustic-electronic one-man bands in my collection.
And that's just a sample of his beginnings, when he worked with lo-fi technology and progressively merged onto fully electronic but experimental music. Really good stuff.

Oh! We love Philip Glass. We love Philip Glass. We love Philip Glass.

2010-04-11T00:03:00.000-07:00

I just realized...
that I could use my music collection as a weapon to annoy people real bad. Philip Glass could make a real impact on the group (and my reputation), oh dear.

It's not that my music collection is bad. Philip Glass, among the other contemporary composers that I feature in my library (Steve Reich, Terry Riley, Hans Otte, John Cage, Arvo Part, etc.), is quite an incredible artist. But you need some serious heavy-duty mental gear to go through the entirety of his pieces, because they are absolutely NUTS. And not boringly nuts, but rather 'why the hell do you even listen to this?' kind of nuts.

It's a good thing, however, that some people in my group have heard of Philip Glass before.

sigh..

Back to work...

Ghhrrrr!!!

2010-04-10T23:33:00.000-07:00

Exams are coming soon, and I'm very worried!!
Specially physics, I'm really really screwed! X( But everything else is all right. I guess I'm just being too negative, and I'm drinking too much coffee, which makes me think even more negatively (and strangely as well)!

Oh, the vicious cycles I put myself into.

And I hate ads that come in my comments! Random people just come by to drop in an ad as a comment..why????? It's a good thing that I can moderate and delete comments as I please. But Blogger will never be as cool as WordPress anyway (why did I just say that?).

Bye for now, for I have plenty of work to do.

New Addition!

2010-04-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

Temporarily, I'll have the text cloud as my blog symbol instead of the fish-eye shot of the Opera House.

Of course, this is only temporary, although I might change the cloud layout and colors. New variations! That would be pretty nice, I guess. But then I'll have to choose a picture that will stay there for a long time.

This was done with the web app Tagxedo at http://www.tagxedo.com/ It allows you to create some pretty cool tag clouds from whatever individual text or text from a website you want. Go check it out.

Hasta pronto.

Another dream...

2010-04-07T07:17:00.000-07:00

I slept for nearly 10 hours (god, I'm such a sinner) after working with a friend to work out a switch for an engineering project last night. It was a complete success.

I dreamt of being in Chile. CHILE. I've never ever been to that part of the world, although I'd like to go an visit some time. But somehow, I knew I was in Chile. And I remember driving over gravel roads in what seemed to be jeep of sorts. The view was amazing. The city looked very picturesque, and the people looked southern-american enough. And people talked in their corresponding chilean-accent. So I knew for sure that I was there.

However, in that beauty and charm, the people appeared sad and depressed. I remember talking to this butcher, who was a bit busy at the moment when I approached him, 'Sí, disculpa, le atiendo en un segundo' (Yes, I'm sorry, just a minute). I realized that when food appears in my dreams I'm hungry in real life. But that's not the point. Everyone around me looked really down and sad, even if they were living in an idyllic location. The butcher sounded really distant in tone, however was respectful and served me appropriately afterwards.

And later I came across a family of Americans, who were living their lives joyfully and without regard of anyone else. Of course, I approached a few of the family members and learned that they originated from a state that starts with M...Montana?.. Minnesota? Something like that. There were some kids there, and a bunch of guys in bright red and navy blue American football suits, with their helmets on, all ready to play. One of the kids there had a red flashlight, with my name on it! I then just asked her, 'Hey, that's mine, give it back.' I've never owned a red flashlight before, but this one in particular had my name written on labels all over it.

It seemed like the Sun was about to disappear into the horizon. It's that kind of feeling when the sky is bright but the Earth is dark, when the air is sharp and full of energy as if getting ready to let the night settle in. It was strange feeling.

Then I could hear beats, as those coming from dance songs, entering my dream. (people were playing music in rooms adjacent or near to mine).
I knew it was time to wake up, it was freaking late.
And I knew I was starving.

>>Unrelated, but today I just heard news that The Chemical Brothers are going to launch a new album on 7th June. I'm so excited!! I can't wait to hear what new sounds those electronic music masters have created, they never cease to amuse me album after album.

This world is pretty

2010-04-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

Qué canción más bonita.

Para alguien especial

2010-04-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

This is proof that there exists beauty and purity in the thin border between silence and sound. Despite there being no orchestra or anything major playing throughout the whole piece, making it minimalist in appearance, the subtle and few in quantity piano notes manage to evoke an emotion so deep into our souls unlike any other sound; it's just overwhelming.

Just turn any distraction away from you, shut your eyes and let the music carry you away through an emotional journey of sound.

If this isn't beautiful, then I don't know what is.
This was Fur Alina, by Arvo Pärt.

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

Ricky Fitts, American Beauty (1999)

Why? + A history on my blogging

2010-04-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

As an internet citizen, and as a person that likes to share things, I've been writing on several blogs throughout the years. Each of them carrying similar purposes, such as photographs or simply as a place for me to share my thoughts.

But on occasions, when I share my blog to people, they sometimes ask me a question that I am still very undecided on how to answer. They would see my blog and appreciate the content and all, and then they would ask why I blog. 'Why do you blog?' I've been blogging for about five years now (wow, 5 years) and it's kind of hard for me to actually look back and try to find a purpose to everything that I've done.

Why do I blog?

Blogging for me at first was a means for me to share, and as a way for me to learn more about the internet. Back in 2005, the internet was expanding exponentially and really fast, so I thought it would be awesome to actually have a website for myself. And so it was for a while. But my beginnings as a blogger were rather inconsistent, and it was hard for a while to be able to blog constantly. I just didn't have the proper flow of thoughts to keep on going.

My first presence in the blogsphere was with 'The Newoz Complements'. It had no real purpose, but rather it was a space for me to vent in during my angsty teenage years. I guess it was from me actually using the website so much, and how obscure everything eventually became, that I decided to create a cleaner version of my first blog. The new blog was 'The Seconds, the Times and Moments of Newoz' (yeah, Newoz is my internet alias). This time I decided to be much more flexible/accessible in my way of writing and actually having a proper purpose for the site. I got my first digital camera, so I started to upload a few pictures, at a very slow pace. The website still contained a lot of obscure terms and bizarre ideas and stuff.

It was only just before 2007 when I started to upload my pictures in larger quantities that I decided to start my first photoblog. I had gathered enough pictures to fill entire posts. Then I chagned 'TS,tTaMoN' to 'Meta-W', which is to this day my kinda main photoblog. I attracted the majority of my traffic into Meta-W and it was quite a great blog. But then I started to feel like actually sharing my thoughts, rather than just pictures.

As the HSC approached, I took less pictures, and I stopped uploading pictures to Meta-W. Instead, I opened a new blog, this same blog. The blog's title is inspired from three-piece works by Steve Reich. He had composed various variations of the 'Counterpoint' theme with 'New York Counterpoint', 'Electric Counterpoint' and 'Vermont Counterpoint', I think. They are all very unique and awesome works. The purpose of 'Dot Couterpoint Dot' was for me to not only share my photographs, but to also have a space where I could expose my ideas to everyone.

Anyway, 'Dot Counterpoint Dot' didn't take off full speed until nearly 10 months after its creation. I blogged in it every once in a while, and then went ballistic when the HSC ended. As of then, I've been blogging for the sake of sharing my thoughts and experiences with people, along with my photography and other things I've made. I guess I can also, in a sense, open up a bit with my blog posting. Of course, as some may have realized, that I've gotten a bit waaay too open here, exposing a bit of the depths of myself. But then again, consider that I've been living on my own, really alone, for four months. What can a man do with an active mind in a prison cell and only a piece of paper and a pencil? It nearly drove me mad.

So then, today, when people ask me why I blog, I can't still even define the purpose of my blogging. I guess it is for myself, to form my digital entity and to share my thoughts to the world. I've met plenty of people, had considerable amounts of traffic through my blogging years, but I don't think I've ever been so successful before now that I have 'Dot Counterpoint Dot' as my main blog. 'Meta-W' still has the really old posts from my second blog, so sometimes I look back and realize what a tool I was as a teenager hahaha, and what a bad blogger I was. I guess I could restart Meta-W, but I haven't been taking good enough pictures lately. I sort of lost my touch in photography :(

I wonder what's going to be my new frontier in blogging. I'm really happy with ".Counterpoint.", but I guess I could do a bit more things with it.

Ok, now my room's a complete mess. As the Sun moves towards the north as the winter months approach, I'll try to have a different room layout to harness solar heat.

Interestingly...

2010-04-02T00:23:00.000-07:00

I am able to check from where some visits to my website originate from (button on the sidebar, has a graphic of a squiggly line around a blue sphere), and I am a bit amazed by how some people actually come across my blog.

One of the ways for people to find this is by a single Google search on a phrase in Spanish: "la mujer más triste del mundo". In English it means 'the saddest woman on Earth'. I've only used that phrase once in the title of one of my posts, back in 2009. I don't even know if that woman that I saw such a long time ago was actually sad, or was just having a rough day. I don't know.

But ever since I wrote that post, about +10 people from many places on Earth, mosly South America, have come to my website.

It's a bit strange having my blog found in a Google Search through such a depressive idea.

Problem...

2010-04-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

Bad news guys, bad news.
A few dozens of posts ago, before I started this new chapter of my life in UNSW, I had a chest infection. It had developed from a bacterial infection that sparked a brief fever, and then pains in the thorax. I then had an antibiotic treatment, which seemed to be quite successful.

And it was all good and perfect until one day in the gym I realized my breathing pattern was very bizarre. I was on the treadmill and suddenly realized that my breathing, instead of being fast and rushy as it should be while running, was actually very slow, like normal breathing speed. But I would have to breathe in and exhale heaps of air. A med student, friend of mine, suggested I go to the doctor, in case the previous chest infection was still active and doing more harm.

I didn't go immediately. I had a pretty messy week and then had a cold, namely Fresher Fever. It went away relatively quick, but then I've had this cough and mucus problem. I don't feel sick at all, but I just cough up crap quite often. And it bothers me quite a lot since I cannot speak properly sometimes without first coughing.

I went to the doctor today and did the routine check up of the lungs and stuff. After some further analysis the doctor declared that I have pneumonia. Shit. The bacteria from last time were still very well and alive and messing up with my system, but even more. That explains the second cold, and why I'm still coughing.

This is really bad.

I'll be having further analysis, such as X-ray, to determine the severity of my affliction. And I will then go through the entirety of the treatment, which I think includes vaccines and antibiotics. But it seems pretty bad though. A month after the first infection is enough time for the bacteria to make a pretty bad mess of my lungs. We'll see how this develops. I just hopes it doesn't worsen and it doesn't interfere with my studies here at uni. God damn.

Yeah.
God Dammit. It's just ridiculous how one single thing can bring the future down to the ground.

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY PEOPLE!!! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
I actually have a resurgence of asthma, which I had for a while when I was a tiny tiny person with no judgment and a brain like a sponge. Not much of a problem for me, I'll just have to carry this puffer around, and yeah, but meh. :)
It's all good people! XD

The Knack

2010-03-30T06:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah,
my parents were quite glad to show me this as the HSC was approaching.
I crack up laughing every time I see it.
Now it's a phrase that we use(d) at home, say when I am needed to fix something that requires some technological skill of sorts. People would start yelling out "he's got the knack!" I thought it would be funny to share it with you guys/gals.

But isn't it great to be/becoming one?

I love my oldies

2010-03-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

Si me entiendes, quítate la camiseta

2010-03-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

HMMMMM

2010-03-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

Just about the only few things that currently bother me about blogging are:
> discovering ridiculous typos and bizarre grammar structure in previously submitted posts;
> writing huge posts of text with no images;
> the fact that I have to pay for uploading stuff, namely my pictures;
> that Blogger isn't WordPress.

Future post sneak-peek: The question with a complicated answer, Why do you blog?

tres seis cinco (365)

2010-03-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

When I started uploading my photographs onto Flickr, I thought that perhaps doing a photography project would be a fine way on perfecting my skills as an amateur photographer.
And one day I came across a photography project called the 365 Project.
Basically, it's all about taking a picture of yourself, a self-portrait to be precise, every day for an entire year.
It sounds like a great idea at first, but then it becomes a struggle to keep it up as the weeks go by and things happen and come along in the way.

I have to admit it.
I totally suck at taking portraits. But most of my suckiness is because I never really got the chance to actually do it, to actually test my skills and learn about such photographic format.

But the 365 project gave me an idea of how to do it. The only difference from normal portraiture is that I was the subject. So I had to learn about and appreciate my body and face from a photographer's perspective. Too bad I'm not photogenic.

It was a bit hard at first, then it went along smoothly, but then it went bad towards the end.
As I started university, I completely broke off from the project's rules. I stopped taking pictures of myself, I just didn't have the time to do it properly.

However, I learned quite a lot about the art of portraits within the scope of photography. It was quite a lot of fun, but it wasn't easy. I'd like to think that I am now able to take a portrait of another person, but I seriously just wouldn't know for sure. It'll just have to happen one day for me to realize of what I've learned.

Hence, I give you a few samples, perhaps the ones that turned out good, of the project that I began on the 19th of August 2009, and abruptly finished on the 29th of February 2010. Enjoy.

Nuevas Texturas 01

2010-03-28T06:04:00.000-07:00

WOAH, tons of posts on photos that I have taken!

2010-03-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

Title says it all.
I'm really strict when it comes to spending, so I'm stealing off signal from UniWide and uploading batch by batch of pictures that I've taken in the past weeks. >:D
I just cannot afford to blog and upload images inside college, it costs me to do so!! Uploads cost!! What a complete rip-off. A normal home contract with an ISP will give you free uploads. So then, what the hell???

One of the many daily "commutes", caught on fish-eye

2010-03-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

Fireball

2010-03-28T05:46:00.000-07:00

:)

2010-03-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

Better get some pictures up... hurry up UNSW IT Services!! Get uniwide back up!

2010-03-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

Oh, you've got green eyes.
Oh, you've got blue eyes.
Oh, you've got gray eyes.
And I've never seen anyone quite like you before.
No, I've never met anyone quite like you before.

New Order - Temptation
along with a background serenade of Bach's Air on a G String.

Last night was bad.
I knew it wasn't going to be a good night anyway, again that voice inside me protested and asked me to stay.
But I had never gone to such an event, so I decided to go. I held my head down low during the whole 3 kilometers we had to walk to get to The Palace. And oldie came by and tried to cheer me up, but understood that the situation was kind of out of his reach. After a single glass of beer, I decided to go out on the beach. I'm not drinking again for another week.

I don't think I had ever gone to a beach at night before.
People took their clothes off and dived in, then came back up to hug people. Meanwhile, some people gathered around for a chat, while in the distance we could see a few random couples (not from college) having some special time on the sand. Some people were thinking of running by to scare them off, but we asked them not to disturb the couples.
Well, it's not the first time I had ever seen such display of affection in a public place. Hah, I guess the first time was more of a surprise, considering that it was on New Year's Eve at frickin' Blues Point. I'm not going back to that place again, not in a loooong time.

I came back to college, and felt incredibly tired. I "passed out" on the common room, snored lightly for a bit, and apparently got up suddenly without saying a word, walked into my room, shoved the stuff on my bed to the side and fell asleep with the lights on. No, I wasn't drunk, even though that is the most common answer a drunk person would provide. I still felt really bad when I rose from bed at 8.30. And my room smelled strange. I think I was sweating profusely in bed, I might have had a nightmare or something. Or it might have been the clothes that I borrowed last night during the party. I can't remember clearly what happened the few minutes before I went to bed.

My body hates me now.
I guess I just need more sleep.
And I need to get more pictures up.

Hmmmm

2010-03-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

I feel sick.
I've got a case of the Fresher Fever, that which occurs during the first weeks of coming into college. I can tell it's going to last a bit. I am the second last person to get it, it's just a matter of time before the newest fresher in our section gets it and completes the cycle. Everyone else in my section has had the Fresher Fever already.
At the end of the day I feel very tired, not really sleepy but rather exhausted because of the simple fact of being awake and having my mind active all the time.

But a cold like this won't bring me down.
'Cos there's still plenty of stuff to do, and the world hasn't ended yet!
I'll keep on rocking!!

On my dreams

2010-03-23T03:04:00.000-07:00

Back in the day, I had this huge double bed (practically a queen size bed) with an electric blanket all for myself.
It was the best bed I had ever slept in in my life.
On that bed I witnessed the generation of streams of the most vivid, plentiful and beautiful dreams I ever had. I know that I can't remember most of my dreams, but I remember well those which shocked or amazed me. And some of those dreams that I had in that bed were good, or just plain weird that I remember them well.

Now I have a single bed.
I think its length is just a bit longer than my height, so my feet tend to stick out sometimes.
But I'm not sure if I'll have that same explosion of dreams again while I live here.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I just haven't been paying attention to the dreams that I've had, and forgotten most or maybe all of them. Maybe I haven't been sleeping right, or maybe not my required hours.

I'd like to have a really good dream one day of these.
Dammit, I feel like I'm getting sick.

Somos humanos

2010-03-23T02:48:00.000-07:00

Estos son tiempos volátiles.
Hay que tener cuidado con lo que uno dice, piensa y siente.
Pero aún así el mundo conserva su integridad, no todo se ha colapsado o ha perdido su sentido. El planeta seguirá rotando alrededor del Sol y nosotros creceremos, evolucionaremos.

Nuestra existencia está marcada por errores, fracasos y éxitos.
Somos humanos.
Hay algunas cosas que nos podrán tomar por sorpresa estando en un grupo de personas, porque quizás no tenemos idea de la magnitud de la profundidad del universo dentro de cada individuo.
Eso es lo que nos hace una especie muy interesante, eso es lo que nos hace diferentes de las bestias y plantas, eso es lo que nos hace humanos.

Sonríele al Sol, que muy seguramente saldrá del horizonte el siguiente día, bendiciéndonos con la oportunidad de estar con todos una vez más en este frágil planeta.
Sonríele al espíritu que tienes por dentro, que por eso tienes forma humana, que por eso eres lo que fuiste, eres y serás. Reconoce que tú eres el autor del libro de tu vida.

Somos humanos.

Lonely was never the new dance party

2010-03-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize something about my music collection.

During the four month holiday after the HSC, I spent most of the time on my own, working for a meagre amount of money every week and sometimes struggling to make ends meet. Those were desperate and dark times. Meanwhile, I started collecting music from a record label called Ghostly, whose most prominent artist, The Sight Below, I was quite interested in. Some months ago I wrote about this particular artist, about his strange blend of shoegaze harmonies and the consistent drum beat which made his songs have an up-beat feel to them, while at the same time containing a rather beautifully sorrowful song within.

Almost every time I listen to his music, now that I've started a new life here at university, I feel sad and highly contemplative on negative things. Would this be induced by the music's dark feel, or by the fact that I spent most of that period of solitude and darkness listening to such music? Nowadays, I try to not to play his music, fearing that I might return to my previous state. Regardless of that, I admit that his music isn't bad, it's quite an original repertoire of alternative-techno-ambient music. Now I'm just listening to new artists and getting immersed in new genres which I wasn't quite fond of before.

I am always surprised by the power of music.
How is it possible that bare mechanical energy that gets translated from sound to electrical impulses inside the brain induce someone to feel something he or she has never felt before?

Last night I went out with my college to a club. Although I had donated blood the other day, and I was not in a 100% condition to be involved in such activity, I was still able to party hard during the majority of the night. But my body succumbed to tiredness and ached. I looked authentically drunk: I was sweating real bad, my walking pattern was irregular, I couldn't stand straight. But I wasn't drunk at all! I had enjoyed being in company of such cool people and with such good music (it was ok) so much that my body just couldn't take it. I had such a great time.

It makes me ponder on how my music collection reflects on my emotions and thoughts, maybe even my past.
Right now, I've never felt so good, so happy, in my life. And the music that I'm coming across here in college is just great!! Good memories shall reside in the new collection I'm currently building.
This is just too good to be true.

Orgullosamente jarocho

2010-03-19T01:22:00.000-07:00

A pesar de que nací en la Ciudad de México,
pasé la mayoría de mi juventud en Xalapa, la capital de Veracruz; el estado más bello de México.
Y pues, es interesante que llegue a estas tierras lejanas para tener una mejor vida, a pesar de las cosas bellas y mágicas experiencias que Veracruz me ha ofrecido. Desgraciadamente, mi futuro no queda en México, sino en un planeta Tierra sin fronteras. Aún así, me considero orgullosamente jarocho.

Yo nací con la luna de plata
y nací con alma de pirata.
He nacido rumbero y jarocho,
trovador de veras,
y me fui lejos de Veracruz.
Veracruz, rinconcito
donde hacen su nido
las olas del mar
Veracruz, pedacito
de patria que sabe sufrir y cantar
Veracruz, son tus noches
diluvio de estrellas, palmera y mujer.
Veracruz, vibra en mi ser,
algún día hasta tus playas lejanas
tendré que volver.

Agustín Lara - Veracruz

Saludos a toda mi gente!

The worst night ever... at least for my conscience...

2010-03-18T02:32:00.000-07:00

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I really hope that this night I can sleep well.
Because last night I was up until 3, smelling like cigarette and with the worst mood you could possibly imagine.

It was St. Patrick's Day, and as such people from around the place were more than happy to spend some money on alcoholic drinks. Fair enough. I never celebrate St. Patrick's because I just don't really get it, what the ultimate purpose of such day is, besides getting drunk.

Anyway.
It was past midnight, and I was just getting ready to go to bed. I was trying to do some homework, but my brain just wouldn't work. So I just thought of going to bed. But then I saw a couple walk into a bedroom, not to far away from mine. They were holding hands, and I just knew what was going to happen. It's one of those situations where you just need a single bit of information and you know on the spot what it implies and what is going to happen.

I was correct, but it all just went way too wrong.

Naturally, I could hear the action from two rooms away. A few bangs on the wall, a few sighs and yelps.
And then it started getting rougher. The girl actually started sobbing. Very. Loudly. And she hadn't even climaxed yet. Her voice began to break apart, changing from wailing, to screaming, to weeping, as if going from pleasure to pain really quickly. It was like chamber music gone completely wrong. It was unlike anything I had ever heard coming from a human being in my life.

To describe what I heard, to the extent of what my ability in the English language can offer to me, it was like every single particle of her soul and essence fragmented from her being, exploded and materialized into sound. It all then became the Guernica of sound when she got to the height of emotion.

I just sat on my bed, with my hands on my head, thinking "JESUS CHRIST, what the fuck has he done?!" Then, the sobbing stopped, and she started running. Running really fast, yelling muffled profanities. She cried and cried outside my room. I was shell-shocked. She ran by, banging on the walls and fell onto the ground. Then she got up again and ran back in to the bedroom.

I started looking for my cigarettes. I couldn't find them where I would normally place them. My mind was just becoming a storm inside, with extreme shock from what I heard and filling with anger for not finding my cigarettes. I had never really felt what being without cigarettes really was like until then.

I found them, in one of my clothes. At least there was somebody else comforting that girl, but she was still crying and yelling "I don't want to wake up!!! I don't want to wake up!!" Something really serious happened there, and I was an indirect witness of it. I heard it all. That is just absolute brainfuck.

To hell with everything, I said. I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter, donned my black hoodie, and walked outside. I couldn't see the girl nor the guy nearby, they must have gone somewhere else. I didn't care, at least I didn't want to come across them. I got out of the dorm and smoked two cigarettes. Another couple came by to have a smoke as well. I just minded my own business for a while outside, then walked back in.

Back in my dorm's common room, I sat down and just tried not to think about what happened. The guy came by and asked if I had seen the girl. I told him I didn't. Minutes later, the girl came by. And lo and behold, she appeared extremely calm, after such a storm within her being scared the hell out of me. I acted neutral to her, but inside I was going WTFISGOINGONHERE.

After that, I just went back to bed. I couldn't stand it anymore. I stank like cigarette smoke, I was tired, and very likely looked suspicious with a black hoodie and only boxers on. Goddammit. I hope I never get to hear those noises ever again in my life. Seriously. Just... dammit. I can't believe it.

You know what, I'm just going to bed. That night was just ridiculous, and my head is still in a wtf state after I saw both guy and girl today, they just seemed extremely normal, despite the savage events that happened last night. I can't even look at them in the eyes anymore. My conscience has been greatly corrupted and damaged, possibly for some weeks.

UPDATE: Both of them were completely off their faces. I'm not drinking any alcohol for two weeks.

Late night ranting

2010-03-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

Hace unos días estuve conversando con una de mis amigas aquí en la universidad.
Tenemos la misma edad, ella me gana por algunos meses, pero ella ha estado en la universidad por bastante tiempo, prácticamente 4 años. Y yo acabo de empezar mis estudios aquí.
Es extraño.
Yo tuve que atrasarme un año y medio por motivo de las diferencias entre sistemas y años escolares. Además, el fin del bachillerato aquí es muy importante, así que quise estar lo más preparado posible. Mientras tanto, ella había terminado el bachillerato a muy temprana edad, y aún era una menor de edad cuando empezó la universidad (eso creo). Para describirla en pocas palabras, ella es muy buena onda, pero esta super ocupada.

En fin, le estaba hablando de cómo me sentía al principio de mis estudios universitarios.
Todo me parecía como un sueño: perfecto, con muchísima gente alrededor (en todos mis sueños siempre hay mucha gente), muy divertido pero con un reto que parece al principio ser enorme.
Todo me parecía demasiado perfecto, como si en realidad mis sueños de estar estudiando en la universidad se hubieran vuelto parte de mi realidad. Había estado esperando, preparándome, llenando formularios y circulares, mandando emails, haciendo llamadas, visitando embajadas, etcétera, todo para poder estar en tierra firme australiana, tener mi ciudadanía y estudiar en una universidad australiana.

Mis ojos se humedecían con el simple pensar que todo lo que había hecho anteriormente recreó la realidad que tengo ante mí, y que todo ese esfuerzo y paciencia en realidad valieron la pena. Finalmente, un ciclo largo y laborioso fue completado, y otro más está empezando.

Pero me puse a pensar de las consecuencias que también me trajo el ser un estudiante muy dedicado a mis estudios (ahorita estoy bastante desorganizado como para considerarme dedicado académicamente). Todos esos años como adolescente, teniendo y aprendiendo únicamente lo que la escuela me podía ofrecer, pero viviendo de manera solitaria y aislada, sí que han tenido su efecto en mi personalidad. Si te pudiera decir en resumidas cuentas qué fue lo que hice en todos esos años como adolescente fue simplemente ir a la escuela. Naa' más. Entonces, cuando llegué al continente oceánico, no tuve muchas habilidades sociales. Aún así me integré a la sociedad escolar y local muy bien, y aprendí bastante de mis errores y éxitos.

Admití que a veces me pongo a pensar de las cosas que posiblemente perdí viviendo de tal manera, ya sea ciertas experiencias, amistades y amores. Mi amiga me corrigió inmediatamente, diciéndome que era innecesario y ridículo que pensase tan negativamente ahora que estaba en un nuevo mundo. Que de aquella soledad y dedicación se creó la oportunidad de venir aquí a esta universidad y de convivir con tales amistosos y divertidos compañeros. Después de todo, estando ahí en la universidad se puede vivir más que nunca en cualquier marco de tiempo en cualquier otro momento de la vida.

Le sonreí en aquel instante.

Hace poco me dí cuenta de lo verdadero que es aquello que mi amiga me dijo.

Aún tengo que agradecerle por la plática que tuvimos, se me aclararon muchas cosas que llevaba en mi cabeza desde hace mucho tiempo. Me siento aliviado y sin remordimiento.

Sabes qué? Le voy a escribir una nota. Sé que está muy ocupada, pero ella tendrá tiempo como para leer algo breve. Lo pondré debajo de su puerta.

Por lo pronto, la vida va muy bien.
Espero que muy pronto pueda organizarme BIEN para mis estudios aquí, porque por el momento casi todo es un desmadre.
Buenas noches, mis queridos ciudadanos del mundo.

Double Rainbow

2010-03-13T17:28:00.000-08:00

Perdido en la ciudad

2010-03-13T17:23:00.000-08:00

I was coming back to college yesterday and the traffic onto the bridge was appalling. I had never experienced so much traffic while driving. My GPS was barking at me in an Australian accent to head over to the Eastern Distributor, but I knew it was going to be just as congested as the bridge. After juggling turns and following retraced routes for half an hour, I surrendered and let the GPS guide me home.

The sun light was just barely going past the sharp-edged edifices of the city, and the air was frozen still. Cars rumbled by, as if enraged by the dying of the day and fighting for each passing second. At least I wasn't suffering from road stress, and I still had a long night ahead, so I could take as long as I wanted to get back home.

Near the Cross, I came to a traffic light and took out my camera. I knew that with such a strong low angle sunlight, many objects would appear starkly dark, and that it would look cool if photographed. Without thinking too much, I pressed the shutter.

Call me crazy

2010-03-13T05:49:00.000-08:00

There are instances when you just realize what you are doing, you stop and call it quits. There are other times when you just keep on going on, pressing on, until you get what you want despite the discouragement from other people or the environment.
There are times when you just go crazy. And not always because of something, but also perhaps by someone. (It may not be a bad thing anyway) [no tl&dr here]

It happened to me one day that I decided to meet a friend, call him J, after a lecture, while another friend of mine, call her N, went over to the university's library to do some work.

I couldn't find J anywhere, he was just nowhere to be found even though he had given me a precise place to find him. So then I decided to go back to N, who was at the library. She had told me that she was going to be at a corner, somewhere, doing her work. Fair enough, so I thought. The library has plenty of corners but it should be easy to find her among the books and computers.

But I was so wrong. The library is about ten floors high, each floor almost identical to the rest. The furniture, the color palette on the walls and furniture, the book stands, the computers, the windows; all of them identical, as if the architects did Ctrl-C Ctrl-V all throughout the building. I went through the first four floors, investigating and searching through every corner of each floor.

At the same time, I came across some friends who I worked with while in high school, some whom I hadn't seen in years. I spent a few minutes talking to them while my dizziness evened out. But once I got up to the fourth floor, my head was spinning. Fast and Hard. No pun intended.

With my body sweating, I decided to call it quits and went outside. The cool air refreshed my mind, and in my madness, I decided to do one final thing. If it didn't work, to hell with the world and all, I would just go to my dorm to drink some really cold water and have bite or something. But that madness, that little flickering flame engulfing my chest and burning my mind, told me to keep on searching, despite the ridiculously minuscule chances of actually finding her in one of the thousands of corners that the library has to offer throughout its many floors and chambers.

What the hell.. I said. Let's just do it.
I walked to the nearest elevator and pressed ten, the highest floor that the elevator could possibly take me to. The guys in the elevator where possibly wondering why I was squinting my eyes so hard, while I held my palm against my forehead during the entire ride. Meanwhile, in my mind, I was telling myself: DUDE, just lemme find her!! I'm almost out of my mind here!!

Tenth floor, my head still spinning, and I was the last person to leave the elevator. I was amazed that there were actually people up in that floor, minding their own business like normal library-users. I guess they might have been wondering why on God a short-haired guy decided to charge in and walk furiously through each of the corners of the highest floor in the library with apparently no purpose.

I kept on searching. Nothing. Nope. Not there. Not here either. Ohh.. maybe? Nope, not her.

Finally, I had inspected the whole floor, except for one bit.
In my mind, two processes were running: If I didn't find her I would just gotten the hell out of the building and never come back again. But if I did, I would have exploded and the Pope would have come by and call this a miracle.

And just guess what, just seriously, what kind of trick was being played on me? Like.. OH MY GOD.. WHYYYYYYYY??!?!!!
There she was, on the edge of the room, at the uppermost floor, silently doing her work with such unperturbed tranquility which is only replicated in art and silence. She seemed like one of the most serene persons I had ever seen in my life. Well, I'd be damned. I mean, there she was, 100% herself! No fakes, no copies, no nuthin'. And there I was standing there with a whirlpool in my head, sweating and my heart in my throat.

I double facepalmed myself, while my brain was being crushed by a hammer inside my skull. I wasn't angry at her, not at all, but I was rather amazed by my determination to find her. I swear, I didn't know that I had such in me. Normally, people would quit from the first floors. But no, I did quite a lot of search and played dice with my last floor search.

If that was an act out of craziness, then I surely must have gotten it wrong. Something besides that must have kept me going. Maybe I'm just waaaay too crazy? Seriously, something interesting developed right there.
As for now, good night to y'all, keep on rockin'.

New World @ UNSW

2010-03-08T04:05:00.000-08:00

Finally!!!
Ok, tl&dr at the bottom.

This project that took about 4 years of planning and waiting has finally come to its end!

Four years ago I was walking along Circular Quay in Sydney, and saw an advertisement from the University of New South Wales. This add was particularly about an open day. I, in my still youthful and fresh mind, back when I was 16 years old (really? I feel so old now...) decided to check it out. I found UNSW a really incredible university, just ... wow. The buildings were astonishing, and every where I went there was always some interesting activity on. I just loved it from the first time I saw it.

But before moving on, I'd like to put that moment in context with my personal world.

I was just finishing year 11 and was beginning to think ahead, trying to see far beyond the little world I lived in back home in Mexico. I was always the top of my class, and had started to feel limited by how everyone else dragged me from pushing the classes forward, learning new stuff, etc. The education system over there is not flexible enough to let and encourage the better students to really excel further than every one else.

So I just started to think about what university I would go to:

If I stay and start uni here I'm not going anywhere. My life would just be sh#t. Even if I worked overseas, all my professional titles would be considered useless.

I can go to the States and study over there. No big deal, no problem. I'd do just fine and have a good time + life. Just that maths is really bad over in Mexico, so I would be kind of disadvantaged.

I can go to Australia. Australia... kangaroos, koalas. Not much really?

I knew enough about the US, but Australia seemed quite exotic to me at that time. I decided to take on the challenge and the adventure of going to a country where people drive on the wrong side of the road and speak weirdly.

Although it was tough adjusting to this country, I survived and prevailed. I'd be damned, I did much better than anyone would have thought. My life here has been awesome. And I've met the most beautiful and friendliest of people ever.

Those dark years of being educationally limited are gone.
Those dark years of waiting for becoming an Australian are history.
Those dark years of hoping to get into university in Australia, a dream that I thought to be far too complicated to achieve and unrealistic according to the education I have received in my life..

gone they are as well.

I'm in university!!! FINALLY!!
I can now call myself a university student! This, this is just...
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

---tl&dr---
I am a university student.
I am overloaded with happiness. :D
That is all.

NaBloPoMo project canceled

2010-02-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Hi,
even though it saddens me to announce this, the project I embarked with NaBloPoMo was ill-fated. I have become a UNSW and as such the Orientation Week has taken a lot out of my life. So I haven't been able to post anything these past days. This breaks the posting linearity and regularity that NaBloPoMo enforces, so I herein announce that I will abandon the project guidelines yet still be a member of NaBloPoMo, and keep on posting on Dot Counterpoint Dot.

I am very sorry, mostly for myself, and for any readers out there.

But I've just been having the greatest time of my life, the best week EVAR. Just too busy, too little free time.

Thanks to all.

Moving out

2010-02-20T04:19:00.000-08:00

Damnit!! I missed yesterday's post!!! RRRRRRGHGHGHRGHRHGRH!!!
Oh well, I was incredibly busy working with my packing for my transition to UNSW.
It's going to be such an incredible thing being over there.

I might come back home to get more stuff, if needed.

So now I'm just getting stuff into the car, and getting ready to go to bed for an early morning. Warm, light breakfast. Some bacon, toast, maybe some oatmeal, apple, grapefruit juice, something like that. Then I move out.

And then New College.
And then O-week.
And then uni starts!!!

New template... perhaps?

2010-02-18T12:31:00.000-08:00

Well I was just thinking that maybe I should get a new template.
It's not that the present template is bad or anything.
I think it gives Counterdots its vibe.

But maybe I could give more oomph to the site by giving it a different template, maybe something more original, yet simple and minimal.
And because I am an eco-freak (but not an eco-warrior) I tend to use black as the background, for the sake of saving electricity. So I'll have to see what I can come up with. I know that Blogger isn't as good as WordPress, but I still think there's quite a community out there that produces quality templates for this blogging service.

I'll have to look around.
This kind of reminds me of the time I was updating my other blog's template just about every month or so. It was crazy. Then I posted screenshots of the blog as it changed, and saw how it developed and transformed and such.

I won't do that with Dot Counterpoint Dot, that's for sure.
Maybe I could create an icon for the site, that would be cool.

But right now I'm extra busy with my moving to UNSW. There's so much stuff to organize and so much crap to throw away. It's incredible the amount of things that I have accumulated these 2 and a half years here in Australia.
Off I go back to pack.

0.0EV part 2

2010-02-18T04:31:00.000-08:00

This finalizes my 0.0EV experimental project.
Con ésto completo el proyecto experimental 0.0EV.

18 of the 2 of the 10

2010-02-18T04:01:00.000-08:00

Mi mejor amigo está sufriendo de una situación de salud.
Nadie está seguro si saldrá completamente bien de las cirugías que va a tener. Existe el riesgo que termine peor.

Aún así él está afrontando el peligro frente a frente. Si todo sale bien él saldrá viviendo más años que yo, seguramente.

Espero que todo vaya bien.
Temo que lo peor está por suceder.
Pero espero que él pueda retomar su bienestar como antes y estar sobre el escenario otra vez,
cantando y tocando la música que forma su vida entera.

Mis deseos y mis plegarias de bienestar van para ti Jay Scott.
Éxito en el camino que tienes por delante mi amigo.

When I arrive downtown...

2010-02-17T04:30:00.001-08:00

Something strange happens to me when I get to downtown Sydney, the CBD,
when I get off a bus, or ascend from the underground train,
my spirit elevates up high.

I suddenly become very happy,
quite ecstatic,
as if I was empowered by this unknown energy of warmth and joy.

And I smile.

And I laugh,

while everyone else is minding their own business and looking down at the pavement,
or typing madly into their Blackberries or iPhones.

This happens to me just about every time I travel to downtown Sydney.
And I don't know why.

Oh, and today I bought Bibio's new album, "The Apple and The Tooth". The first songs are just incredible, musically junky and noisy but nonetheless very rhythmic and upbeat. And the remixes are really good as well, some of them aren't as good as the originals, but there are some that simply transform the songs they are based upon. I recommend this album only if you've heard Bibio's previous albums.

Stalking Cat

2010-02-15T23:18:00.000-08:00

Oh gawd no... I did it again!
I missed another post! >.< Now that's bad, this shouldn't have happened.
However I'm much better now. Injuries are healing up pretty good, they're gonna leave a pretty large scar there.
That should be a pretty good story for my grandchildren... that is if I ever have any children at all.

In any case, as an internet citizen there are some things that I find really amusing and that I would like to share. On occasions, those things are quite embarrassing for me to share, they just expose a bit of the things that I look at on the internets. This video however just shows how boring some Japanese tend to get in their cramped homes and decide to film just about anything. There ya' go.

And no I don't like cats. They are amusing and selfish, but that's about it.

0.0EV part 1

2010-02-14T01:26:00.000-08:00

I've been experimenting.. again. This time it's with the PSP Camera.
He estado experimentando un poco... otra vez. Pero esta vez es con la cámara de la PSP.

Late @ Night

2010-02-14T01:12:00.000-08:00

Some weeks ago the Moon was its closest to the Earth for this year.
Mars was pretty close as well. So it was easily visible. You could even see some red in Mars.
The Moon was so bright that the sky seemed to have a slight dark blue tone to it. Nearly like a second Sun!

Hace unas semanas la luna estaba a su mínima distancia con la Tierra en este año.
Marte también estaba bastante cerca, así que se podía distinguir un tono rojizo característico del planeta marciano.
La luna era tan brillante esa noche que el cielo tenía un tono ligeramente azul. Casi casi como si fuese otro sol!

This night I'll try to get a glimpse of the ISS, but weather is very bad. I might miss it.

Día de San Valentín

2010-02-13T23:15:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been more than a year since I started this blog. The first official post was here in http://counterdots.blogspot.com/2009/02/towards-valentines.html just a bit over a year ago.

It feels much more than that, more like two years.

And what an interesting coincidence that it's Saint Valentine's Day today, well maybe not a coincidence.
Maybe it's just Single Awareness Day.
Ugghh here I go again.

It's been a lonely adventure that I've had these past 4 months, possibly the longest holidays I've ever had in my life. Just too much time in my hands... it was incredible. I'm now willing to do something now for the sake of catching up with the time lost... well not really lost... but rather spent with the extreme of tranquility.

Of course, it has been four months of learning, failing and succeeding, a lot has happened. Now that I think of it, that's practically a third of a year gone by... wow. Time does go faster as one ages.

One thing however hasn't changed, since I was 15. Even since I was 15, I've always avoided February 14th like the plague. Surely, one day like this one is just like any other one. It's just that people are more aware of certain things. Those things are what grind my gears. People are always going "Wow St.Valentine's!! And.. uhm.. who are you gonna send a flower to.. dude?" And I'm like... "hmmmm I'm not really in the mood" or "I'm too poor to afford 'em".

バカメ！ That's just plain excuses. Surely, people out there, from my parents to girls who were completely mad about me, really wish the best for me, and I acknowledge it entirely. And I also acknowledge that I have failed them and myself. I've been unlucky to unwrap myself from the cages of my spirit which have prevented me from doing what is considered normal.. well normal is overrated.
What I mean is that the fact that I don't have a girlfriend right now means one thing. I'm still afraid of going towards the unknown. Surely, when one falls in love with someone, one is betting against all the odds and uncertainties that a relationship with another person may offer. When one is exposed in such away, completely open to the other person's will and power, that's when I get into trouble. I get into a conflict with my own personality and behavior that I suddenly recede from this world. Say, I shut off completely.

Hiding I guess?

"So hey, how's D going?"
"Hmmm. I don't know. He hasn't spoken to me today at all. He's acting very strangely lately."

It's a great deal of worry for me and for the people who have had a really deep look into my soul.
I've lost many awesome chances to be with great people. I've also lost some friendships that way.
You could say that in order to protect myself from pain, I accidentally hurt others intrinsically. But I intend to seek their care, their warmth, their love. However, the weapons that I have unconsciously spawned around myself to protect my integrity are what cause this problem. I am afraid of being hurt, and with the unknown surrounding the path ahead of me, I succumb to fear and recede, and the people that I intend to be closer with end up hurt. I become distant of what causes this uncertainty, that which really shakes up my mind and I try to run away of. In the end, two people end up with broken hearts with no reasonable explanation.
Hedgehog's dilemma.

The problem is, I simply have had no idea of the real nature of such unknown in them. I don't know their intentions.

Everybody has a universe inside them. Some are big, some are small. Some are in development, some are incredibly huge. When people connect, these universes mix with each other, like parallel universes that collide and unite. The outcome of this offers an infinite number of results.

I also have the problem of not having enough faith in other people.
And not having enough faith in myself. That's what really kills me.
I sometimes lack the courage, and despite it being a human thing to happen, it's just plain annoying.
There are so many things that could have happened during my life, despite it being just 20 years since my birth, that could have made my life so much more interesting, fun, perhaps even better, perhaps just worse.
Sometimes the decisions that me make, however small and insignificant, can have enormous repercussions in the future.

I just hope that one day, I will be able to break from this mistrust and fear that's caging me.

I just hope that one day, I will be able to pull myself together to bond with someone else.
I just hope that one day, I will be able to celebrate St. Valentine's Day just like everyone else, be normal I guess (normal is overrated). Then I can make other singles feel like squirming inside (mwahahaha).

Hitting rock bottom

2010-02-13T04:48:00.000-08:00

I feel as if I left myself down.
I just injured myself today at work, pretty seriously but nothing life-threatening.
My infection has receded quite a lot but is still present within my system. It'll go away soon.

I just hope I can get myself out of this vortex of gloom and darkness that I have put myself into.

I'll keep pressing on! There's still way too much life ahead of me to surrender now!
See ya tomorrow.

Uh oh...

2010-02-12T04:50:00.000-08:00

I'm basically cured from my lung problems, phlegm is much less recurrent and I don't need to blow my nose as often.

But the pain is still there, but at a much lower area in my body. It's way too below from the lungs that it just can't be considered borne from within the lungs, as a lung infection.
My prediction is that now the problem is with my left kidney.

However, my predictions are much less plausible than the observations of a professional. I shall get this problem checked as soon as possible. This is driving me crazy!!

Problema resuelto - Problem resolved

2010-02-11T05:13:00.000-08:00

Hi, Hola,
Recently I discovered that all comments in my blog would appear black on top of the page's black background, which meant that they would be impossible to read unless you dragged over with the mouse. I checked with the Help guys in Blogger and confirmed a solution which has resolved with the problem.

Now everyone can read the comments that everyone and I leave.
If you are following this blog, I kindly appreciate the comments you leave behind.
I'd like to expand my network with other blogs, so please invite me to other blogs to meet new people. :D

Reciéntemente descubrí que todos los comentarios en mi blog estaban en negro. Y como el fondo del sitio es en negro, eso significaba que los comentarios no podían ser leídos a menos de que pasabas con el mouse sobre el texto y apretabas el botón izq. He checado con Blogger y he encontrado una solución para este problema. Ya se ha arreglado el asunto y sus comentarios ya son visibles.

Si usted está siguiendo este blog, yo le agradecería de todo corazón si dejase algún comentario. Y para los que ya lo han hecho, les agradezco a ustedes también. Me gustaría ampliar mis vínculos con más blogs, así que invítenme a conocer blogs interesante y más gente de la blogósfera.

Gracias! Thanks a lot!

Lonely is the new dance party

2010-02-11T04:55:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: I am not a sicko who takes pictures of girls and sells them on the internet / fap to them. OK?! Does "I'm a photographer, not a terrorist" ring a bell? This is for the sake of art. As an amateur photographer, I am trying to experiment with "light gathering" in low light environments such as those of a nightclub. These photographs are not intended to criticize, expose indecently, demoralize, insult or do any harm to anyone. These pictures must not be judged in any other way other than as art. So, enjoy these "photographic accidents". Oh, and these photographs are copyrighted via Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 Generic.

Disfrute! If you want more (si quiere ver más), check my flickr account (cheque mi cuenta en flickr): http://www.flickr.com/photos/haiiroproject/

La vi otra vez

2010-02-11T04:38:00.001-08:00

Maldición.

Hoy la vi otra vez.
Esta vez estábamos más cerca que antes, como a menos de 6 metros de distancia.
Yo estaba preparando un paquete que iba a mandar por correo, cargándolo en una bolsa blanca grande de plástico.
Iba cruzando una calle y luego pasé a la esquina de un edificio.
Ahí fue cuando la vi.
En el transcurso de una diminuta fracción de un segundo mi mente empezó a mandar señales de emergencia.
No sé si me miró en aquel instante.
Dí un giro de 180 grados lo más rápido posible. Agarré la bolsa fuertemente con mi mano, con el corazón saliéndose de mi pecho y mi garganta hecho un nudo. No sé si estuve respirando, si acaso mis ojos estaban abiertos o si mis pies eran los que me estaban guiando sin control.
Caminé rápidamente hacia las escaleras eléctricas más cercanas.
No entiendo por qué lo hice.

No tengo idea si ella tiene odio hacia mí.
No sé si tiene curiosidad por saber del por qué me olvidé de ella, del por qué nuestros planes de andar juntos simplemente se desplomaron silenciosamente en el misterio.
La última vez que hablamos fue en octubre, hace un chingo de tiempo.
No he vuelto a dirigirle la palabra desde entonces. La he checado en su cuenta de Facebook, aún me tiene como amigo, pero no nos hemos comunicado de ninguna manera últimamente.

Pero lo que me mata es el remordimiento.
Ya lo he mencionado en un post anterior, pero siento que la he traicionado de alguna manera.
Quizás me traicioné a mi mismo.

Y sí, debería confrontarla y decirle la verdad de lo que siento.
No es que la odie, no es que no me guste.
En parte temo de lo que ella piense. Temo que me destruya.
Pero no puedo poner en un enunciado lo que yo siento. Es oscuro y difícil de interpretar.
¿Por qué le tengo tanto miedo?
¿Acaso tengo miedo de desarrollar una amistad con alguien como ella?

Sí que estoy hecho un desmadre por dentro.

Estoy prácticamente curado hoy. Aún seguiré con el tratamiento para asegurarme que el cabrón haya desaparecido. Vaya, esta es la primera vez que uso un lenguaje tan florido como este. Se siente muy extraño.

Another day

2010-02-10T04:59:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm..

Éste día ha sido como cualquier otro.
Lento.
Callado.
Tranquilo.

Mi salud ha mejorado, estoy satisfecho por el efecto los antibióticos han tenido sobre mi infección y espero tener una recuperación total la próxima semana.

Últimamente he estado viendo NASA Tv y checando cómo va la misión del transbordador espacial. Todo ha salido muy bien. Es la penúltima misión del transbordador Endeavour, así que me gustaría estar al tanto de todo lo que sucede.

Iba a ver el lanzamiento del satélite Solar Dynamics Observatory, pero mientras lo estaba viendo detuvieron el conteo a 2 hours and holding. Y yo estuve así de ... pues cuánto tiempo va a tomar para que continuén con el conteo?.... treinta minutos? Que hueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeba. Jajajaja.
Ahora voy a subir fotos a flickr

Oh God, it had to happen one day.

2010-02-09T04:09:00.000-08:00

Antibiotic treatment is going ok.
I feel just fine, slightly weakened from the antibiotic but I feel OK.

Now, I have to admit I am a 東方(touhou) fan. It really embarrasses me to tell people that I'm that guy who's into anime and that kind of things. Luckily, I'm not a complete freak, I'm not a goddamn otaku (thank you God!!).

But Touhou is right now the Biggest thing in Japan. The internet community over there is just exploding with fan made material based from it. And you wonder.. "what is touhou?" Just google it, look it up on youtube. Chances are you'll find something that will make you laugh and go wtf while having a brainf*ck.

To summarize, Touhou is a videogame where chicks shoot colorful bullets which also shoot more bullets at you. More like a shoot 'em up game with heaps of colorful 2D graphics. The thing is, the game is just unbelievably hard. And by hard I mean that the bullets come at you in continuous waves that form patterns in your screen. So when you play, instead of being a shoot-to-kill game it is more like a HOLY-SHIT-HOW-DO-I-GET-THE-FUCK-OUT-OF-THE-WAY kind of game.

The game has tons of characters, which means heaps material for fans to make stuff with.
And it also has pretty cool music, which is what brings most of the fans together. Doodles and comics is what makes the majority of the fan-based content but music based from the game's music is also a great thing that appears all the time on the internet and keeps fans busy.

I guess that if you use Youtube a lot you are very likely to have been RickRolled, and there's a chance that you've been McRolled as well. Well, the music that McRolled is based on comes from Touhou. No, Touhou did not rip the music off McRolled, McRolled ripped the music off from Touhou. And it's just such a hit over there. (Seriously, the guy who made the game, music and characters is basically a millionaire. He's an alcohol-lover, a bad drawer and likely to be a pedo (just kidding)).

And some japs have made a video about that same tune, but put along with custom-made Mario World levels. AWESOME!!

And that's my reason to blog for today. I might add more Touhou related stuff in the future, but I just can't afford being embarrassed on the internet. Seriously. I cannot even afford to show my Touhou remix music collection to my friends, some who are even anime fans. It's not that the music is bad, it's actually quite good and original, but it just makes me cringe to know that people I know are aware of what Touhou involves as part of the internet community. Oh gawd.

2 + 8 = 10

2010-02-08T03:53:00.000-08:00

This day has been pretty busy.
In the morning my sis called on Skype and we watched the Super Bowl opening ceremony which was awesome. My sis held her laptop facing towards the tv and tuned to CBS. Then we watched it together until the ceremony ended. That was when I had to leave to school.

I know, I'm off school and everything related to school is now ancient history to me. But I still went to get a speech that I made checked. You see, I worked hard enough last year in order to obtain a high ATAR rank, which is a ranking system for students who are applying for university. I got a pretty high one, to my entire surprise. The school's careers adviser had asked the higher ranked students to make a speech. But all of them refused to do so. Some of them aren't that good at public speaking, they are a bit shy, and maybe not that perfect in English. So I stepped in, I will be just more than happy to come back on stage as a graduate and an ex-school captain and address the assembly, along with my friends on stage. It makes me remember of my days of a school captain.

Later I went over to Warringah Mall to see a doctor. My fever has basically disappeared. But I now have a lung inflammation that is causing pressure inside my torax. So now I'm taking antibiotics and am looking closely at my health. I hope all goes fine. My parents aren't happy, and probably not surprised, however.

To finalize the day, I watched the launch of STS-130, Space Shuttle Endeavour's penultimate launch. Last night the launch was canceled because of bad atmospheric weather which would cause complications during launch. So they rescheduled the launch for tonight. It was an incredibly smooth launch, perfect to say at least. I watched it live on NASA TV and followed it through Twitter. Finally, I have a pragmatic use for Twitter! It gave me heaps of side info regarding the preparations and other procedures, stuff that wasn't discussed or mentioned during the tv broadcast.

I do remember though, after Endeavour reached orbit, NASA was putting on some replays of the launch. And in between those replays I remember listening to one of the comentators who had left her microphone on by accident. Maybe she was just getting ready for what she was going to say in the following seconds, but still, what followed was quite loud and clear. She sighed gently and I could hear her say "My legs are so sore." I was not surprised, but I still laughed. Those people had been up all night getting ready for a mission that had about a 60% chance of being "go'ed" for launch. So after a successful launch, they really deserve a break. Well done NASA! And my wishes of luck go to the Endeavour and her Mission Specialists.

Off to bed now, gotta get ready for a beautiful day tomorrow :D

---Oh, image taken from NASA's website. I assume that it belongs to the public domain, but I'm not sure!---

About my taste in music

2010-02-07T00:28:00.000-08:00

{Sorry, I don't do tl;dr.}

Naturally, as a son of a musician, music is and has always been a great influence in my life. It has accompanied me during the brightest and the darkest times of my life, given the many strange things that I've seen/heard/felt some sort of tangible meaning, and made me appreciate the little things in life.

But I've noticed that my taste in music is distinctively different to many people, mostly because it just covers a wide range of genres, eras and styles, and also that I have my set of "rules" when it comes to music. And I've also noticed that people have different ways in which they listen to music. Some people, like me, focus in melody or rhythm, while others focus on lyrics and musical "hooks".

I guess that I might begin with my music rules. Firstly, if the music that I hear has any musical instruments that can be played by a human being (as in, actually play it, tangibly hold the instrument, etc.) then it must not, under any circumstance, be substituted by electronic music synths. I ABHOR listening to a violin, a trumpet, a guitar, EVEN HUMAN VOICE (I hereby declare myself an enemy of any Vocaloid fan/producer/developer/user), that comes from a computer or machine. Not only is it wrong and unnatural, but it is simple torture to the ears. But, hey, I know that musicians who can play those instruments are expensive, so record labels/artists sometimes go the cheap and easy way. Sometimes you can't blame them.

As I mentioned earlier, I've realized that people listen to music differently. First off, I was born and raised among classical musicians and classical music. I wasn't introduced to the real rock stuff until I was like 16 or 17. So I have this tendency to like soft, tranquil and good-sounding music, such as ambient and classical itself. But I have an emphasis on melody and rhythm, so then electronic music kicks in. Hence I like trance (for its soulfulness and progressive inter-melodious-phases (what a mouthful)), techno (rhythm and melody), drum & bass (for their artistic play with all audible frequencies and mostly for rhythm. But since the newer d&b bands are crap I stopped listening to d&b), and experimental/minimalism (this one is for rhythm). Glitch, gabber, happy hardcore and electro-rock/electro-pop can all go to hell. They are the abomination, the sick child of electronic music.

There is also a trend that I have noticed within music that is "commercial", or that which is aired on radio 24/7 and gets tops of sales, and which generally sucks. It's a fact that such commercial music gets sold solely because of the "hooks" that it has. By "hooks" I mean the combination of melody, rhythm and lyrics that sticks to your brain and it just won't let go. "Hooks" are predominantly present in music we consider as cheesy. I am not completely against commercial music, sometimes some songs of such type end up being my favorites. And I admit that a lot of people like music like that. It's just that sometimes that music is just plain annoying and gives me headaches. But I have a tendency to appreciate music that may sometimes has no hook whatsoever. Sometimes when I share my music to people they go: "wow, this is just boring", or "why is there so much repetition in this song? there is no theme or hook to it" or even "I can't believe that this can even be considered as music". Sometimes I listen to music as I would look at a painting by Pollock. Sometimes the art medium may be profusely mixed and messed up, without order, without sense, but I can appreciate such art by ignoring the confusion and the sense of senselessness, and enjoy it in its full splendor without looking at the minute details of its apparently destructive construction. Like, half ignore, half look at attentively. That's how I listen to ambient music, and that's how I manage to listen to post-rock hardcore (although I am still in a training process to fully appreciate such style). I can listen to Philip Glass and still like Alexisonfire, music styles that are completely millions of miles apart from each other.

As an example:

When I share my Philip Glass music collection to people they go: "What the hell is this music? Such repetition is just horrible!" And then I come back with: "Well, that music that you listen too is just as repetitive and annoying!" When people share their hardcore rock collection I go: "What is with this music? All distortion and yelling?" And they come back with: "Well, that music that you listen to is just as senseless and destructive!"

And without hooks, I mean, nothing that a person's mind can grasp firmly and walk along with it. As an example:

The good thing is that I expand my musical collection all the time, trying to put in stuff that I've never listened to before in my life, new genres and new bands. Just recently I've been trying to immerse myself into rock music like never before, to catch up with the stuff that I missed while living in a world of only classical music and techno. Recently, I've been finding things that have changed my musical life by quite a lot.

I love music!
'til later... gotta watch the Endeavour space shuttle lift off, the last one done in the night!

Apologies...

2010-02-06T04:55:00.000-08:00

I didn't post yesterday for NaBloPoMo!! X( This is bad...
But I do have an excuse. Yesterday night I fell sick, my worst nightmare at these times of poverty. So I forgot/couldn't get myself together to post something.
I just felt really bad.

Tomorrow I'll post what I had intended to post for the day that I missed.
See you tomorrow.

The shoegaze masters

2010-02-04T04:30:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been looking into shoegaze, this branch of the rock genre that focuses on the manipulation and distortion of guitar-driven sound. Somewhat like rock gone funny with Brian Eno on drugs. It's the most interesting genre I've heard. Since I like ambient music, and since rock may sometimes not be my thing at times, shoegaze is that in-between phase of rock and ambient, with a hint of experimental and minimalism. Truly music that is out of this world, and which was completely ahead of its time in 1991.

That's it for today, I'm incredibly exhausted from yesterday's friend's gig. A truly new experience.

Awesome find...

2010-02-02T23:54:00.000-08:00

///I know it has been more than a month since Christmas, but here it goes anyway. This is perhaps the most beautiful thing I've heard in quite a long time.///

These past months I've been living through a personal process of self-revelation, discovering the bright and dark sides of my personality and my bonds with the people that I know, love and hate.

Living on my own has given me a lot of time and space to reflect on my own being, as an entity of an ever-changing universe who happened to land luckily on the Pale Blue Dot suspended on a beam of sunlight we call Earth. And boy I'm happy of being here. :)

Naturally, it's been a hurdle to pull myself together now that everything is up to me. Everything. And that's where it gets interesting, because I suddenly realize the actual weight that my decisions have on the many aspects of my life. A single expression can change an emotion, a single handshake can strengthen a friendship, a single glance towards a beautiful person can create a new relationship. And all of those can have so many effects on my life in the future.

Sadly, I've come to realize how my own inertia (I'm a lazy person, I have to admit it) has held me from doing the things that now I wish I could have done. Nearly at 3 months after the HSC, I realize of the mistakes I have committed. I abandoned two friends that I saw as possible chances to have an intimate relationship with. I screwed up. I didn't get a scholarship to aid me through this tough first year at university, I was doubtful of my own ability as a human being when applying for them. One of the biggest scholarship programs had a ranking that I was predicting not to reach, partly because of fear of success, partly because I was unsure of how I could even do such an amazing thing. It turned out that my ranking was considerably higher than that threshold, so I missed out on such a huge opportunity. Shit, I screwed up. Now, I hope I can force myself not to commit such pathetic mistakes, for the sake of my life.

But at the same time, I realize just how fortunate I am. Firstly, I have successfully completed the HSC, which I had feared to be the biggest and most horrifying thing to happen to me in High School: super hard exams, incredibly awful stressing, just freaking out. It turned out to be quite a challenge, but far from being the nightmare I had imagined. Actually, I survived victoriously. Knowing that I came from a dark third world country into the wide blue yonder and do so well means so much for me, I feel so much more fortunate. I guess, more special. And now I'm going to study in university here in Australia. Superb!

I guess that there are always ways to counter some of the mistakes that I have done.
I guess that I can still have a wonderful life regardless of the silly mistakes that I make (it truly depends on the severity of those mistakes of course).
I guess I need to get out more often >_<

NaBloPoMo ----- START!!

2010-02-01T06:59:00.000-08:00

So today I decided to begin a blogging project from the National Blog Posting Month community website.
Basically I'll have to post to the blog every day for a month. 30 days, 30 posts (Ah, I just realized that February is that month that doesn't have the same number of days like the rest). It shouldn't be a problem, but I might run into writer's block as I go. NaBloPoMo gives themes for each month, which is "ties" for February, that should give me a start. There is a badge on the sidebar regarding this project, so join in as well if you're a blogger yourself!

Hence, I declare officially started the Dot Counterpoint Dot NaBloPoMo 30 day 30 posts experiment!

Visit NaBloPoMo