Thursday, September 9, 2010

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

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I've changed.

I don't seem to have the same spark that gave me the power that I used to posses back in first session of uni. Perhaps everything seemed very new to me back then and I had no idea of what was ahead of me. I took risks and took on adventures, like a little child exploring a new backyard. Heck, I fell in love, got fined, hurt myself, got sick and got drunk. I was very wild and happy back then.

And it was great! I met a lot of people and have made heaps of friends.
But when the session ended, everyone left college and I had to stay.
A whole month and a half on my own.

It was boring, and very lonesome.

And I've realized how this changed me.
I've become opaque, off-center, out of focus, gray and quieter. I don't talk to people the same way I used to do. And it seems that I stopped being friends with some people, and I really regret how that has turned out to be. It's just not fair how I've ended up treating people. They deserve more of me as a friend!
I'm not really happy with how my life is right this instant.

But it doesn't mean I'm going to stay like this forever.
Back then I could feel the potential of all my decisions. I could feel the future bending on my fingertips from the very mere change of mind. I could feel the electricity in the air from just being alive and having the ability at hand of being able to shape my future however I wanted.

And the ability is still there, all intact and perfectly functional.
But my senses are damped, I cannot feel it anymore. I cannot feel that sharpness in the air that gave me goosebumps and chills, and opened my eyes to all the endless possibilities ahead of me.
And it saddens me.

I might be a bit depressed, but it ain't anything too serious. I hope.
Just gotta keep carrying on, keep going 'til the show's over. This is just a little trough in my life-plane.
Winter's over, and spring is here, with summer on it's way.


Hey, you know what, fuck that shit, all of it. I ain't going to be restrained by the chains of my own moods. I ain't going to sit here just to contemplate and ponder on what could have been and didn't become true or real. I ain't going to let my own downwards inertia shut me into the darkness of my internal world, I've been there many times and it isn't pretty. It's time for me to come back!

I guess I've gotta apologize...

for breaking the sequence of my blog posting.

for being a douche bag to y'all.

You don't deserve to see the same fricken' page for months on end.
It's a nightmare, and it's boring, and I know. :( I'm kinda sad that some people, some of which who were periodic visitors, have stopped visiting. Fair enough. I would do the same thing to any other blog.


I've gotta start again.


No real problem, I guess.
It's just me again.

Hello! I'm back.

I ain't gone..

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Sorry for disappearing.
Uni's got me busy and the best of me.
I shall be back at least every week.

Much love.