I've changed.

I don't seem to have the same spark that gave me the power that I used to posses back in first session of uni. Perhaps everything seemed very new to me back then and I had no idea of what was ahead of me. I took risks and took on adventures, like a little child exploring a new backyard. Heck, I fell in love, got fined, hurt myself, got sick and got drunk. I was very wild and happy back then.

And it was great! I met a lot of people and have made heaps of friends.
But when the session ended, everyone left college and I had to stay.
A whole month and a half on my own.

It was boring, and very lonesome.

And I've realized how this changed me.
I've become opaque, off-center, out of focus, gray and quieter. I don't talk to people the same way I used to do. And it seems that I stopped being friends with some people, and I really regret how that has turned out to be. It's just not fair how I've ended up treating people. They deserve more of me as a friend!
I'm not really happy with how my life is right this instant.

But it doesn't mean I'm going to stay like this forever.
Back then I could feel the potential of all my decisions. I could feel the future bending on my fingertips from the very mere change of mind. I could feel the electricity in the air from just being alive and having the ability at hand of being able to shape my future however I wanted.

And the ability is still there, all intact and perfectly functional.
But my senses are damped, I cannot feel it anymore. I cannot feel that sharpness in the air that gave me goosebumps and chills, and opened my eyes to all the endless possibilities ahead of me.
And it saddens me.

I might be a bit depressed, but it ain't anything too serious. I hope.
Just gotta keep carrying on, keep going 'til the show's over. This is just a little trough in my life-plane.
Winter's over, and spring is here, with summer on it's way.


Hey, you know what, fuck that shit, all of it. I ain't going to be restrained by the chains of my own moods. I ain't going to sit here just to contemplate and ponder on what could have been and didn't become true or real. I ain't going to let my own downwards inertia shut me into the darkness of my internal world, I've been there many times and it isn't pretty. It's time for me to come back!

Progressing onto the Golden Gate Bridge

View Larger Map

Another Facebook group has been formed in response to the anonymous guy's postcard from San Francisco.
This time, people are gathering at the Golden Gate Bridge to paste print outs from all of the comments posted in the other group, as well as other messages.
This just keeps on showing how many awesome and beautiful people out there are willing to help someone. I'm impressed by how massive this has become, and I express my respect and admiration to everyone who has so far been involved.

Please don't jump

Every Sunday I check PostSecret, a blog where postcards with secrets of anonymous senders are posted. It's a blog about the beauty and sadness of our humanity; and it always makes me sad when I visit it, it makes me laugh every time, it makes me feel empowered, it makes me filled with awe, it makes me recoil in horror, it makes me feel guilty, it makes me feel human.

Today, an anonymous sender from San Francisco had his/her postcard featured.

The postcard has since sparked a lot of reaction from the internet. Emails poured into the PostSecret website in response to the postcard. Twitter reported the creation of a Facebook group in response to this. Since its creation, more than a 1000 people have sent messages pleading the sender to not jump, to give a chance to life and to a better future.

Ending one's own life is the worst mistake one can do, ever. It will not solve any of your problems at all. It will not make the world a better place. Choose life, and you will see the beautiful and great things that you would have otherwise missed out on. I've been there. And I know how hard it is. I've pulled myself from the pits of darkness, and good things have happened to me! But, please man, or gal; please do not jump. For there are many good things in life to come. There is hope. You are not alone. And you do belong. It may not seem so, but there's always a place where you belong to. And if life seems sad and dark to you, at least realize that all it takes is making a few good decisions, sticking around with your friends, letting them know of your problems, and getting help to solve those problems. And you will feel like a million bucks. I do not know you, but please, at least know that there are people out there who care and are willing to help you. I care. Please, for your future's and life's sake, do not jump. BE STRONG. CHOOSE LIFE. DO NOT JUMP.

Please share this link. Join in, and send a message.
Let's just hope that this guy is still around with us, and is aware of what people from all over the world are writing to him, showing him that people care, that he is not alone and that there is hope to solve his issues. It's incredible how the internet just connects such beautiful people to do such wonderful things.

God bless.

It's always the same story, all the time

Well,
I believe I have put myself once again in doubt of myself.
What a neurotic, existentialist hedonist I am.

I guess I don't know where I'm heading to, what's my next step.

Of course, there was always a direction to go to. There was always an arrow pointing to the barren lands of Down Under, but once I got here and finally picked myself up from the shock of coming to these quirky lands, I am not sure where to go anymore.

The arrow should be pointing somewhere,
but I don't know where.
Heck, I can't even see if there is an arrow anymore.

Sometimes I get the feeling that my life will end soon.
It is not an expression of suicide, fear not. Please. Enough of that stuff anyway.
But I just can't imagine myself graduating from university. Or even getting my career on track, or even owning my own car and house. Getting married, having kids. Paying mortgage, paying debt (my worst nightmare). I just can't imagine myself doing it!
And I have this feeling that somewhere along the line, I will never get to do those things. It is foolish of me.

It sounds just weird, but I just wouldn't know how the hell to do things. I finally can drive legally (fuck yeah), and started uni, but there is just quite a range of things that are assumed as common for Australians of my age that I cannot even do, that I may have no idea about.

It's always been like that, even when I arrived here, I had no idea of how to deal with things, partly people, but mostly about how different things are run here. And I always feel disadvantaged in that respect.

And I know it's bitchy to comment on this sort of stuff online, and even specifically on my blog. But what the hell. That's the first thing I found when I came into my room. Gotta get my head a bit organized. Then I suppose I can sleep a bit better at night.

Me acuerdo...

muy bien de aquellos días que me parecían tan mundanos. Nunca pensé que llegaría a tales extremos del planeta, y que viviese todo lo que vivido aquí. Y yo que todos los días, de lunes a viernes, me fui por esta misma calle para crear el futuro que estoy viviendo tan intensamente en el presente. Ni idea tenía en aquel entonces.


Ver mapa más grande

A veces pienso que el pasado que tuve fue malo, y que por mis malos hábitos pasé una adolescencia muy limitada y lenta. Lo que nunca me imaginé es que por mis esfuerzos yo pudiera llegar a estas tierras lejanas, vivir como nunca y ser exitoso. Uno a veces no tiene idea del efecto que tienen nuestras decisiones hasta el momento en que llegan a toda potencia. Pues así es la vida.

The perils of a university student: update

Things have turned out ok now.
I am still worried about how it is all going to work in the end.
I've been allowed to stay back in college during the mid year break, so I have the convenience of being near the places where I am currently seeking employment during the break.

But I'll be having to pay the college fees back with whatever money I produce from those jobs. I might end up having to work two jobs, plus all the university workload.

Now, I think I'll just have to get someone to help me get my breath back. My mind just shriveled up with the ideas of being stuck alone, with no money. I'm glad things have worked out for the better.

Oh dear

My biggest fear has finally arrived.
And I'm quite unprepared for it.

Totally broke, with no home to return to. Parents hating me, and no source of income.
This end of session is going to be quite interesting.

Me pregunto...

Sé que cada una de nuestras acciones tiene un efecto, ya sea minúsculo o de gran magnitud, en el futuro.

Siento que algunas cosas que voy a hacer pronto van a cambiar el futuro.

Y de gran manera.

El problema es que mi mente se llenará de las casi infinitas posibilidades de cómo el futuro inmediato sucederá. Siento que mi cabeza va a explotar por sobrellenarse.

Sé que si todo resulta como todos deseamos, seremos felices. Y pasaremos todos un buen rato. Y en el futuro nos sentaremos a hablar sobre nuestro pasado y diremos: "Pues, estoy muy satisfecho y muy feliz por cómo resultó todo aquello, aquel momento, aquel instante en que me dijiste eso, o hiciste eso, en que todo el mundo cambió. Te lo agradezco sobremanera."

Sé que si no todo resulta como queríamos, aquello se establecerá permanentemente en nuestra memoria. Será como uno de aquellos recuerdos de tipo: "Oye, ¿te acuerdas cuando te dije eso? Me hubiera gustado si no hubiera hecho, o dicho, eso en ese momento, de tal manera. Lo siento.".

A veces puedo apreciar cómo las circunstancias del pasado llegan a colisionar en un mismo instante en el presente, y cómo pueden llegar a distorsionar el futuro completamente.

Lo que tenga que suceder, sucederá. No hay que temer.

The real part, or the imaginary one?

I've got this friend of mine;

She's one of the most intelligent and curious persons that I've ever met. Living away from the CRAZY environment of college which I currently live in, she's pretty much the most dedicated person that I've come across these past months. I learn from her, almost everyday, of how I should be doing things, and of herself.

I guess I'm just blind, maybe I'm just too distracted. Maybe I'm just not doing things right. She seems to be way ahead of me. And I feel guilty.

People tend to call me wise (as a side comment to the fact that I'm ancient), and really smart. But I tend to digress. I am just too negative, and I think way too much, too far, for too long. And I feel guilty.

So then I ask to myself, just as my friend had pondered and expressed (and from which I further analyzed and thought about),
if we are in university, why not work as hard as we possibly can? We were chosen to be part of this great institution for the fact that we are either very hard-working or gifted, or both. It is a bit unnecessary to surrender at the thought that we are bad students, pick up our bags and leave, when we can always do better than we do now. But why revolve around the thought that we are bad students, given that we've gone so far from high school up to here? Of course, it will make us realize that we have made some mistakes along the way and need to catch up. But it is silly to think that, even if we are doing very well, or just well enough, we are still doing badly. Who really knows? The middle range between a bad and a good student is separated by many shades of gray, which are not completely defined however still distinct from the extremes of the domain. Let us stop for a minute, get ourselves rid of the wrong ideas, organize ourselves very precisely and work hard. Seriously, work hard. Because from the work that we do, we are able to move further ahead from the herd, and nibble from the fruits of success. If we trip along the way, we must pick ourselves from the floor, dust ourselves off and pick up speed again. Life and success are up for grabs, why not be the one who grabs them first? We can still work and study our asses off, have the greatest time of our lives, do many things, be employed, fall madly in love, meet new people, pick up a hobby, learn some new skills, and still have our slice of cake.

Nobody said that success came from slacking off.
In any case, what is there to lose? It will be just so much to think in the future that our past efforts really summed up and helped us reach to where we are and enjoy our time here on Earth, than to struggle continuously to the end of the rat race.

The problem is that I have quite a lot of inertia. I am quite lazy >:( and it angers me sometimes.

I thank that friend of mine. I sometimes feel humbled in her presence, for she is my inspiration.
And as I may have mentioned before (or have I not?), I tend to ponder about her quite often. Go ahead, think whatever you want regarding that last comment. I DARE YOU.

'Nuff said! IMMA CLEAN THIS MESS NOW

Humph

That was the most expensive week I've had ever since I moved over here.
$141 gone! BOOM! POOF!
Those parking rangers are a bunch of nazis, fining me at 9:11 AM, I wasn't even awake then! (oh wait, I actually was!)

Oh, dear. Now I hope CentreLink can give me a hand.

Lonely was never the new dance party

I've come to realize something about my music collection.

During the four month holiday after the HSC, I spent most of the time on my own, working for a meagre amount of money every week and sometimes struggling to make ends meet. Those were desperate and dark times. Meanwhile, I started collecting music from a record label called Ghostly, whose most prominent artist, The Sight Below, I was quite interested in. Some months ago I wrote about this particular artist, about his strange blend of shoegaze harmonies and the consistent drum beat which made his songs have an up-beat feel to them, while at the same time containing a rather beautifully sorrowful song within.

Almost every time I listen to his music, now that I've started a new life here at university, I feel sad and highly contemplative on negative things. Would this be induced by the music's dark feel, or by the fact that I spent most of that period of solitude and darkness listening to such music? Nowadays, I try to not to play his music, fearing that I might return to my previous state. Regardless of that, I admit that his music isn't bad, it's quite an original repertoire of alternative-techno-ambient music. Now I'm just listening to new artists and getting immersed in new genres which I wasn't quite fond of before.

I am always surprised by the power of music.
How is it possible that bare mechanical energy that gets translated from sound to electrical impulses inside the brain induce someone to feel something he or she has never felt before?

Last night I went out with my college to a club. Although I had donated blood the other day, and I was not in a 100% condition to be involved in such activity, I was still able to party hard during the majority of the night. But my body succumbed to tiredness and ached. I looked authentically drunk: I was sweating real bad, my walking pattern was irregular, I couldn't stand straight. But I wasn't drunk at all! I had enjoyed being in company of such cool people and with such good music (it was ok) so much that my body just couldn't take it. I had such a great time.

It makes me ponder on how my music collection reflects on my emotions and thoughts, maybe even my past.
Right now, I've never felt so good, so happy, in my life. And the music that I'm coming across here in college is just great!! Good memories shall reside in the new collection I'm currently building.
This is just too good to be true.

Late night ranting

Hace unos días estuve conversando con una de mis amigas aquí en la universidad.
Tenemos la misma edad, ella me gana por algunos meses, pero ella ha estado en la universidad por bastante tiempo, prácticamente 4 años. Y yo acabo de empezar mis estudios aquí.
Es extraño.
Yo tuve que atrasarme un año y medio por motivo de las diferencias entre sistemas y años escolares. Además, el fin del bachillerato aquí es muy importante, así que quise estar lo más preparado posible. Mientras tanto, ella había terminado el bachillerato a muy temprana edad, y aún era una menor de edad cuando empezó la universidad (eso creo). Para describirla en pocas palabras, ella es muy buena onda, pero esta super ocupada.

En fin, le estaba hablando de cómo me sentía al principio de mis estudios universitarios.
Todo me parecía como un sueño: perfecto, con muchísima gente alrededor (en todos mis sueños siempre hay mucha gente), muy divertido pero con un reto que parece al principio ser enorme.
Todo me parecía demasiado perfecto, como si en realidad mis sueños de estar estudiando en la universidad se hubieran vuelto parte de mi realidad. Había estado esperando, preparándome, llenando formularios y circulares, mandando emails, haciendo llamadas, visitando embajadas, etcétera, todo para poder estar en tierra firme australiana, tener mi ciudadanía y estudiar en una universidad australiana.

Mis ojos se humedecían con el simple pensar que todo lo que había hecho anteriormente recreó la realidad que tengo ante mí, y que todo ese esfuerzo y paciencia en realidad valieron la pena. Finalmente, un ciclo largo y laborioso fue completado, y otro más está empezando.

Pero me puse a pensar de las consecuencias que también me trajo el ser un estudiante muy dedicado a mis estudios (ahorita estoy bastante desorganizado como para considerarme dedicado académicamente). Todos esos años como adolescente, teniendo y aprendiendo únicamente lo que la escuela me podía ofrecer, pero viviendo de manera solitaria y aislada, sí que han tenido su efecto en mi personalidad. Si te pudiera decir en resumidas cuentas qué fue lo que hice en todos esos años como adolescente fue simplemente ir a la escuela. Naa' más. Entonces, cuando llegué al continente oceánico, no tuve muchas habilidades sociales. Aún así me integré a la sociedad escolar y local muy bien, y aprendí bastante de mis errores y éxitos.

Admití que a veces me pongo a pensar de las cosas que posiblemente perdí viviendo de tal manera, ya sea ciertas experiencias, amistades y amores. Mi amiga me corrigió inmediatamente, diciéndome que era innecesario y ridículo que pensase tan negativamente ahora que estaba en un nuevo mundo. Que de aquella soledad y dedicación se creó la oportunidad de venir aquí a esta universidad y de convivir con tales amistosos y divertidos compañeros. Después de todo, estando ahí en la universidad se puede vivir más que nunca en cualquier marco de tiempo en cualquier otro momento de la vida.

Le sonreí en aquel instante.

Hace poco me dí cuenta de lo verdadero que es aquello que mi amiga me dijo.

Aún tengo que agradecerle por la plática que tuvimos, se me aclararon muchas cosas que llevaba en mi cabeza desde hace mucho tiempo. Me siento aliviado y sin remordimiento.

Sabes qué? Le voy a escribir una nota. Sé que está muy ocupada, pero ella tendrá tiempo como para leer algo breve. Lo pondré debajo de su puerta.

Por lo pronto, la vida va muy bien.
Espero que muy pronto pueda organizarme BIEN para mis estudios aquí, porque por el momento casi todo es un desmadre.
Buenas noches, mis queridos ciudadanos del mundo.

Call me crazy

There are instances when you just realize what you are doing, you stop and call it quits. There are other times when you just keep on going on, pressing on, until you get what you want despite the discouragement from other people or the environment.
There are times when you just go crazy. And not always because of something, but also perhaps by someone. (It may not be a bad thing anyway) [no tl&dr here]

It happened to me one day that I decided to meet a friend, call him J, after a lecture, while another friend of mine, call her N, went over to the university's library to do some work.

I couldn't find J anywhere, he was just nowhere to be found even though he had given me a precise place to find him. So then I decided to go back to N, who was at the library. She had told me that she was going to be at a corner, somewhere, doing her work. Fair enough, so I thought. The library has plenty of corners but it should be easy to find her among the books and computers.

But I was so wrong. The library is about ten floors high, each floor almost identical to the rest. The furniture, the color palette on the walls and furniture, the book stands, the computers, the windows; all of them identical, as if the architects did Ctrl-C Ctrl-V all throughout the building. I went through the first four floors, investigating and searching through every corner of each floor.

At the same time, I came across some friends who I worked with while in high school, some whom I hadn't seen in years. I spent a few minutes talking to them while my dizziness evened out. But once I got up to the fourth floor, my head was spinning. Fast and Hard. No pun intended.

With my body sweating, I decided to call it quits and went outside. The cool air refreshed my mind, and in my madness, I decided to do one final thing. If it didn't work, to hell with the world and all, I would just go to my dorm to drink some really cold water and have bite or something. But that madness, that little flickering flame engulfing my chest and burning my mind, told me to keep on searching, despite the ridiculously minuscule chances of actually finding her in one of the thousands of corners that the library has to offer throughout its many floors and chambers.

What the hell.. I said. Let's just do it.
I walked to the nearest elevator and pressed ten, the highest floor that the elevator could possibly take me to. The guys in the elevator where possibly wondering why I was squinting my eyes so hard, while I held my palm against my forehead during the entire ride. Meanwhile, in my mind, I was telling myself: DUDE, just lemme find her!! I'm almost out of my mind here!!

Tenth floor, my head still spinning, and I was the last person to leave the elevator. I was amazed that there were actually people up in that floor, minding their own business like normal library-users. I guess they might have been wondering why on God a short-haired guy decided to charge in and walk furiously through each of the corners of the highest floor in the library with apparently no purpose.

I kept on searching. Nothing. Nope. Not there. Not here either. Ohh.. maybe? Nope, not her.

Finally, I had inspected the whole floor, except for one bit.
In my mind, two processes were running: If I didn't find her I would just gotten the hell out of the building and never come back again. But if I did, I would have exploded and the Pope would have come by and call this a miracle.

And just guess what, just seriously, what kind of trick was being played on me? Like.. OH MY GOD.. WHYYYYYYYY??!?!!!
There she was, on the edge of the room, at the uppermost floor, silently doing her work with such unperturbed tranquility which is only replicated in art and silence. She seemed like one of the most serene persons I had ever seen in my life. Well, I'd be damned. I mean, there she was, 100% herself! No fakes, no copies, no nuthin'. And there I was standing there with a whirlpool in my head, sweating and my heart in my throat.

I double facepalmed myself, while my brain was being crushed by a hammer inside my skull. I wasn't angry at her, not at all, but I was rather amazed by my determination to find her. I swear, I didn't know that I had such in me. Normally, people would quit from the first floors. But no, I did quite a lot of search and played dice with my last floor search.


If that was an act out of craziness, then I surely must have gotten it wrong. Something besides that must have kept me going. Maybe I'm just waaaay too crazy? Seriously, something interesting developed right there.
As for now, good night to y'all, keep on rockin'.

New World @ UNSW

Finally!!!
Ok, tl&dr at the bottom.

This project that took about 4 years of planning and waiting has finally come to its end!

Four years ago I was walking along Circular Quay in Sydney, and saw an advertisement from the University of New South Wales. This add was particularly about an open day. I, in my still youthful and fresh mind, back when I was 16 years old (really? I feel so old now...) decided to check it out. I found UNSW a really incredible university, just ... wow. The buildings were astonishing, and every where I went there was always some interesting activity on. I just loved it from the first time I saw it.

But before moving on, I'd like to put that moment in context with my personal world.

I was just finishing year 11 and was beginning to think ahead, trying to see far beyond the little world I lived in back home in Mexico. I was always the top of my class, and had started to feel limited by how everyone else dragged me from pushing the classes forward, learning new stuff, etc. The education system over there is not flexible enough to let and encourage the better students to really excel further than every one else.

So I just started to think about what university I would go to:

If I stay and start uni here I'm not going anywhere. My life would just be sh#t. Even if I worked overseas, all my professional titles would be considered useless.

I can go to the States and study over there. No big deal, no problem. I'd do just fine and have a good time + life. Just that maths is really bad over in Mexico, so I would be kind of disadvantaged.

I can go to Australia. Australia... kangaroos, koalas. Not much really?


I knew enough about the US, but Australia seemed quite exotic to me at that time. I decided to take on the challenge and the adventure of going to a country where people drive on the wrong side of the road and speak weirdly.

Although it was tough adjusting to this country, I survived and prevailed. I'd be damned, I did much better than anyone would have thought. My life here has been awesome. And I've met the most beautiful and friendliest of people ever.

Those dark years of being educationally limited are gone.
Those dark years of waiting for becoming an Australian are history.
Those dark years of hoping to get into university in Australia, a dream that I thought to be far too complicated to achieve and unrealistic according to the education I have received in my life..

gone they are as well.

I'm in university!!! FINALLY!!
I can now call myself a university student! This, this is just...
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!


---tl&dr---
I am a university student.
I am overloaded with happiness. :D
That is all.

Hitting rock bottom

I feel as if I left myself down.
I just injured myself today at work, pretty seriously but nothing life-threatening.
My infection has receded quite a lot but is still present within my system. It'll go away soon.

I just hope I can get myself out of this vortex of gloom and darkness that I have put myself into.

I'll keep pressing on! There's still way too much life ahead of me to surrender now!
See ya tomorrow.

La vi otra vez

Maldición.

Hoy la vi otra vez.
Esta vez estábamos más cerca que antes, como a menos de 6 metros de distancia.
Yo estaba preparando un paquete que iba a mandar por correo, cargándolo en una bolsa blanca grande de plástico.
Iba cruzando una calle y luego pasé a la esquina de un edificio.
Ahí fue cuando la vi.
En el transcurso de una diminuta fracción de un segundo mi mente empezó a mandar señales de emergencia.
No sé si me miró en aquel instante.
Dí un giro de 180 grados lo más rápido posible. Agarré la bolsa fuertemente con mi mano, con el corazón saliéndose de mi pecho y mi garganta hecho un nudo. No sé si estuve respirando, si acaso mis ojos estaban abiertos o si mis pies eran los que me estaban guiando sin control.
Caminé rápidamente hacia las escaleras eléctricas más cercanas.
No entiendo por qué lo hice.

No tengo idea si ella tiene odio hacia mí.
No sé si tiene curiosidad por saber del por qué me olvidé de ella, del por qué nuestros planes de andar juntos simplemente se desplomaron silenciosamente en el misterio.
La última vez que hablamos fue en octubre, hace un chingo de tiempo.
No he vuelto a dirigirle la palabra desde entonces. La he checado en su cuenta de Facebook, aún me tiene como amigo, pero no nos hemos comunicado de ninguna manera últimamente.

Pero lo que me mata es el remordimiento.
Ya lo he mencionado en un post anterior, pero siento que la he traicionado de alguna manera.
Quizás me traicioné a mi mismo.

Y sí, debería confrontarla y decirle la verdad de lo que siento.
No es que la odie, no es que no me guste.
En parte temo de lo que ella piense. Temo que me destruya.
Pero no puedo poner en un enunciado lo que yo siento. Es oscuro y difícil de interpretar.
¿Por qué le tengo tanto miedo?
¿Acaso tengo miedo de desarrollar una amistad con alguien como ella?

Sí que estoy hecho un desmadre por dentro.



Estoy prácticamente curado hoy. Aún seguiré con el tratamiento para asegurarme que el cabrón haya desaparecido. Vaya, esta es la primera vez que uso un lenguaje tan florido como este. Se siente muy extraño.

2 + 8 = 10

This day has been pretty busy.
In the morning my sis called on Skype and we watched the Super Bowl opening ceremony which was awesome. My sis held her laptop facing towards the tv and tuned to CBS. Then we watched it together until the ceremony ended. That was when I had to leave to school.

I know, I'm off school and everything related to school is now ancient history to me. But I still went to get a speech that I made checked. You see, I worked hard enough last year in order to obtain a high ATAR rank, which is a ranking system for students who are applying for university. I got a pretty high one, to my entire surprise. The school's careers adviser had asked the higher ranked students to make a speech. But all of them refused to do so. Some of them aren't that good at public speaking, they are a bit shy, and maybe not that perfect in English. So I stepped in, I will be just more than happy to come back on stage as a graduate and an ex-school captain and address the assembly, along with my friends on stage. It makes me remember of my days of a school captain.

Later I went over to Warringah Mall to see a doctor. My fever has basically disappeared. But I now have a lung inflammation that is causing pressure inside my torax. So now I'm taking antibiotics and am looking closely at my health. I hope all goes fine. My parents aren't happy, and probably not surprised, however.

To finalize the day, I watched the launch of STS-130, Space Shuttle Endeavour's penultimate launch. Last night the launch was canceled because of bad atmospheric weather which would cause complications during launch. So they rescheduled the launch for tonight. It was an incredibly smooth launch, perfect to say at least. I watched it live on NASA TV and followed it through Twitter. Finally, I have a pragmatic use for Twitter! It gave me heaps of side info regarding the preparations and other procedures, stuff that wasn't discussed or mentioned during the tv broadcast.

I do remember though, after Endeavour reached orbit, NASA was putting on some replays of the launch. And in between those replays I remember listening to one of the comentators who had left her microphone on by accident. Maybe she was just getting ready for what she was going to say in the following seconds, but still, what followed was quite loud and clear. She sighed gently and  I could hear her say "My legs are so sore." I was not surprised, but I still laughed. Those people had been up all night getting ready for a mission that had about a 60% chance of being "go'ed" for launch. So after a successful launch, they really deserve a break. Well done NASA! And my wishes of luck go to the Endeavour and her Mission Specialists.

Off to bed now, gotta get ready for a beautiful day tomorrow :D

---Oh, image taken from NASA's website. I assume that it belongs to the public domain, but I'm not sure!---

Adiós 2009. Hello 2010

It is now the time to say goodbye to the 2000's, a decade filled with changes, successes and failures, a decade which certainly changed the world. Let us now welcome the new decade, the 2010's. Let us wish/hope/pray for prosperity and wellness for all of us towards the new days dawning upon us.

GOODBYE 2009, HELLO 2010.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

On to the future…

  A few days ago my life changed forever.

I witnessed it transfer from the many possibilities I imagined with excruciating scrutiny, detailing all the emotions that would arise from such event and predicting an action plan of what would happen in the next months; all of them changing into a bright future.

To my own surprise, all those “negatively focused” predictions collapsed under the weight of the reality I unlocked from the universities admissions website. 9 AM. All my work at high school in Australia for the past 2 and a half years were summed up in the ATAR ranking I was awarded. My original predictions of such were once again quite negative, just barely enough to get into science at a good university. However, my ATAR rank is so high that I could get into the highly-sought-for design, commerce, medicine, social studies, art, business, even perhaps lower-end law courses.

A few days have passed, and it feels that it really didn't make a difference to the present. Maybe I haven’t felt it, it’s just been a few days. But I know I’ve been incredibly tranquil for getting such surprising results. Other people would be just jumping around like crazy, drinking or yelling in the streets of their success had they obtained my results. Really, I am actually surprised by how quiet I have been about it, not being excited about it, or even feeling proud for my success.

Why the hell am I not feeling proud about it, just 2 years after migrating to a new country, having to start from zero and integrate to the Australian society? Really, it is an incredible success. The biggest thing that has ever happened in my life since I arrived to this country. As I said, my life has changed completely. And even though I am consciously writing that, I still can’t feel it, it hasn’t hit me yet.       D:

Ahora, ¿a dónde me dirijo?

Ya casi termino el bachillerato. Voy a extrañar muchísimo a mis amigos y el hecho de que voy a tener un motivo pragmático para salir de la cama en las mañanas. Después del 4 de noviembre, terminaré mis exámenes finales y estaré completamente libre, iniciando mi vida adulta tal cual y como los dioses mandan (y por dioses me refiero a mis padres).

Creo que el haber decidido terminar el bachillerato acá en Sydney ha cambiado completamente mi vida. No sólo estoy terminando mis estudios para progresar a la universidad, pero también estoy cambiando internamente. El yo de México ya no existe, ahora el yo presente es una combinación híbrida de la cultura mexicana y norteamericana con el ser libre australiano. Es extraño para mí pensar en cómo yo sería si no me hubiese venido acá. ¿Qué habría sido de mí?

Les dejo a ustedes con este pensamiento mío, muy muy mío…

Sé que con el pasar silencioso de un momento se pueden construir miles de memorias.

Sé que con el presente se puede jugar a la ruleta rusa con el destino; que aquello puede ser peligroso, uno nunca sabe qué podría pasar.

Pero creo que en cualquier preciso momento del ahora, todos somos capaces de cambiar quiénes somos y el camino que nos queda por delante en la vida.

Y quiero esforzarme en el presente para que en el futuro pueda decir “aquellos días fueron estupendos”.

 

Hasta pronto.