Awesome find...

///I know it has been more than a month since Christmas, but here it goes anyway. This is perhaps the most beautiful thing I've heard in quite a long time.///



These past months I've been living through a personal process of self-revelation, discovering the bright and dark sides of my personality and my bonds with the people that I know, love and hate.

Living on my own has given me a lot of time and space to reflect on my own being, as an entity of an ever-changing universe who happened to land luckily on the Pale Blue Dot suspended on a beam of sunlight we call Earth. And boy I'm happy of being here. :)

Naturally, it's been a hurdle to pull myself together now that everything is up to me. Everything. And that's where it gets interesting, because I suddenly realize the actual weight that my decisions have on the many aspects of my life. A single expression can change an emotion, a single handshake can strengthen a friendship, a single glance towards a beautiful person can create a new relationship. And all of those can have so many effects on my life in the future.

Sadly, I've come to realize how my own inertia (I'm a lazy person, I have to admit it) has held me from doing the things that now I wish I could have done. Nearly at 3 months after the HSC, I realize of the mistakes I have committed. I abandoned two friends that I saw as possible chances to have an intimate relationship with. I screwed up. I didn't get a scholarship to aid me through this tough first year at university, I was doubtful of my own ability as a human being when applying for them. One of the biggest scholarship programs had a ranking that I was predicting not to reach, partly because of fear of success, partly because I was unsure of how I could even do such an amazing thing. It turned out that my ranking was considerably higher than that threshold, so I missed out on such a huge opportunity. Shit, I screwed up. Now, I hope I can force myself not to commit such pathetic mistakes, for the sake of my life.

But at the same time, I realize just how fortunate I am. Firstly, I have successfully completed the HSC, which I had feared to be the biggest and most horrifying thing to happen to me in High School: super hard exams, incredibly awful stressing, just freaking out. It turned out to be quite a challenge, but far from being the nightmare I had imagined. Actually, I survived victoriously. Knowing that I came from a dark third world country into the wide blue yonder and do so well means so much for me, I feel so much more fortunate. I guess, more special. And now I'm going to study in university here in Australia. Superb!

I guess that there are always ways to counter some of the mistakes that I have done.
I guess that I can still have a wonderful life regardless of the silly mistakes that I make (it truly depends on the severity of those mistakes of course).
I guess I need to get out more often >_<