Call me crazy

There are instances when you just realize what you are doing, you stop and call it quits. There are other times when you just keep on going on, pressing on, until you get what you want despite the discouragement from other people or the environment.
There are times when you just go crazy. And not always because of something, but also perhaps by someone. (It may not be a bad thing anyway) [no tl&dr here]

It happened to me one day that I decided to meet a friend, call him J, after a lecture, while another friend of mine, call her N, went over to the university's library to do some work.

I couldn't find J anywhere, he was just nowhere to be found even though he had given me a precise place to find him. So then I decided to go back to N, who was at the library. She had told me that she was going to be at a corner, somewhere, doing her work. Fair enough, so I thought. The library has plenty of corners but it should be easy to find her among the books and computers.

But I was so wrong. The library is about ten floors high, each floor almost identical to the rest. The furniture, the color palette on the walls and furniture, the book stands, the computers, the windows; all of them identical, as if the architects did Ctrl-C Ctrl-V all throughout the building. I went through the first four floors, investigating and searching through every corner of each floor.

At the same time, I came across some friends who I worked with while in high school, some whom I hadn't seen in years. I spent a few minutes talking to them while my dizziness evened out. But once I got up to the fourth floor, my head was spinning. Fast and Hard. No pun intended.

With my body sweating, I decided to call it quits and went outside. The cool air refreshed my mind, and in my madness, I decided to do one final thing. If it didn't work, to hell with the world and all, I would just go to my dorm to drink some really cold water and have bite or something. But that madness, that little flickering flame engulfing my chest and burning my mind, told me to keep on searching, despite the ridiculously minuscule chances of actually finding her in one of the thousands of corners that the library has to offer throughout its many floors and chambers.

What the hell.. I said. Let's just do it.
I walked to the nearest elevator and pressed ten, the highest floor that the elevator could possibly take me to. The guys in the elevator where possibly wondering why I was squinting my eyes so hard, while I held my palm against my forehead during the entire ride. Meanwhile, in my mind, I was telling myself: DUDE, just lemme find her!! I'm almost out of my mind here!!

Tenth floor, my head still spinning, and I was the last person to leave the elevator. I was amazed that there were actually people up in that floor, minding their own business like normal library-users. I guess they might have been wondering why on God a short-haired guy decided to charge in and walk furiously through each of the corners of the highest floor in the library with apparently no purpose.

I kept on searching. Nothing. Nope. Not there. Not here either. Ohh.. maybe? Nope, not her.

Finally, I had inspected the whole floor, except for one bit.
In my mind, two processes were running: If I didn't find her I would just gotten the hell out of the building and never come back again. But if I did, I would have exploded and the Pope would have come by and call this a miracle.

And just guess what, just seriously, what kind of trick was being played on me? Like.. OH MY GOD.. WHYYYYYYYY??!?!!!
There she was, on the edge of the room, at the uppermost floor, silently doing her work with such unperturbed tranquility which is only replicated in art and silence. She seemed like one of the most serene persons I had ever seen in my life. Well, I'd be damned. I mean, there she was, 100% herself! No fakes, no copies, no nuthin'. And there I was standing there with a whirlpool in my head, sweating and my heart in my throat.

I double facepalmed myself, while my brain was being crushed by a hammer inside my skull. I wasn't angry at her, not at all, but I was rather amazed by my determination to find her. I swear, I didn't know that I had such in me. Normally, people would quit from the first floors. But no, I did quite a lot of search and played dice with my last floor search.


If that was an act out of craziness, then I surely must have gotten it wrong. Something besides that must have kept me going. Maybe I'm just waaaay too crazy? Seriously, something interesting developed right there.
As for now, good night to y'all, keep on rockin'.